Serenity
by RebelSheepSayMoo
Summary: Without the fear of death there's no reason to live at all... That was her take on life. What happens when she meets someone exactly like her? What can he teach her that she doesn't already know? DARK FIC!
1. Prolouge

Title: Serenity

Summary: Hermione has fallen into the world she swore she'd never enter. After many events of betrayal, death, defeat, and helplessness, she finally caved in. However, she isn't as alone as she think she is. After years of torture and torment from his father, Draco has snapped. He returns to school after a summer of rehabilitation. Can he and Hermione help each other out, or does fate hae other plans for them?

Rating: "R" for violence, language, drug use, strong suicidal and self-mutilation themes, rape, and eventualy sexual activity. If you don't like blood, don't read. A story for the masochists.

A/N: This isn't my first fanfiction to write, but it is my first here, and my first for Harry Potter. Please be nice. Give me feedback.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story. I do not own any of the quoted songs. I do take responsibility for the plot. There may be a poem or two that I DO own, and I will let you know which ones they are. As for this chapter, I own the poem titled "Mary Palmer."

Enjoy!

_"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,_

_Courage to change the thing I can,_

_And the wisdom to know the difference."_

_Mary Palmer don't you cry,  
__Everything's gonna be alright  
__A tortured soul beckons for flight,  
__Don't give up now, let's win this fight._

One could not say that it all happened so fast, for it didn't. The events were sparatic; happening throughout time slowly, creeping into her life like lava. It took its pain-stakeing time before it caught everthing in its path on fire. That's what she was, her soul burning into ash little by little, until there was nothing left. And was there? She couldn't tell you. She didn't know.

How did this all happen? How did she succumb to this way of life? How could she be so weak? She was supposed to be strong.

_When Mary had her third birthday,  
__She watched her father die.  
__The heart attack had hitso fast,  
__No one could tell her why._

Alack! The memories of his funeral were fuzzy and incomplete. She was so young when her father died. It was the first void her and her mother had to yeild together. They did a good job for awhile. Times were sad, but livable. To this day she doesn't remember that much of him. But that isn't important. Although there is an empty yearning to know more, she has much more to worry about.

_When Mary held six years of age,  
__He mother married John.  
__He'd beat her every single night,  
__And wish that she was gone._

Willis Murchfield. He was no man. He wasn't even human. This vicious creature called himself her step-father. She called him nothing. He was vile, unforgiving, and took great pleasure in seeing her cry. How could her mother stand for this? She didn't know. Willis was two different people. During the day he was sweet and loving, to her mother that is. During the night, his beatings were inevitable. All he wanted were the tears. She learned that quickly. The first time he hit her was shocking. The second time made her furious. But after awhile she learned to just give up on her stubborness and cry so he would stop. The tears seemed to be her escape, but they were only worthless means to please him. They only made him come back.

_Two years later she turned eight,  
__And got her first real kiss.  
__A dare made for the boys to laugh,  
__Caused her mind to dismiss._

Boys never gave her a second look. That is why it was so surprising, yet wonderful, when one wanted to hold her hand in the playground. He said he liked her, took her behind the slide, and kissed her. She was flattered. Her face had never glowed so much. He told her to wait a second while he went to get her something. She blushed and nodded him okay as he turned and left. Then there was laughter. Confused, she peeked her head around to see the commotion. A group of boys were standing very near snickering to themselves. He joined then in the laughter. Sadly, she watched as each boy in the group paid him a dollar for losing the "bet" they had made.

_Mary Palmer don't you cry,  
__Everything's gonna be alright.  
__A tortured soul beckons for flight.  
__Don't give up now, let's win this fight._

She was crushed. A bet. A fucking bet made for their entertainment. She was the victim. She was always the victim. This single trick caused her great suspicion everytime some guy made a move on her. She knew she was worthless. No one would ever want her for anything other than to get something out of her.

_At ten years old Mary got raped  
__Walking home from school.  
__They ripped her clothes and slapped her face,  
__And called her names so cruel._

Innocence comes onlyat one point inones life. Once it is gone it will never come back. Her remaining innocence was barely holding on to itself by a string. That string wassnipped as each boy took his turn with her. They were older and knew what they were doing. They were sick. They stole away from her the only thing she had left. Her virginity was the only thing she could call her own.Now she had nothing. She was an empty creek dried of all it's water.

_Mary Palmer turned thirteen  
__Before she tried real drugs.  
__She sold her body for cocaine  
__To greedy, willing thugs._

It never occured to her what exactly she was doing. She only knew of the sweet serenity she got from the heroin flowing in her veins. It kept her calm, and excitedat the same time. She could fly to a world where no one could harm her. No one could tell her who she was or wasn't, no one could touch her, no one could break her peace. She was always alone, that was a fact. But this brought to her a solitude she enjoyed more than anything else.

_Mary Palmer, now sixteen,  
__Swayed as her body hung.  
__The rope around her neck so tight,  
__At first it might have stung._

Death was never something to be feared. She embraced it with open arms. It pleaded with her for the vast majority of her life. But she always refused it, never understanding why. So she chose other methods of destruction. Her arms had more lines than a sheet of paper. Some scars were tiny and barely noticable. Some were long and morbid looking. A few times she had cut too deep and fainted from a loss of blood. But she always survived. Regrettably, she always survived.

_Mary Palmer don't you cry  
__You have no tears to shed.  
__Mary Palmer now you're free,  
__You can't feel when your dead._

* * *

Hermione sighed as she put the poetry book down. She had read this particular poem so many times, the page had fallen out and she had to magically keep the book entact. Memories of her past came rushing back to her. She had so much in common with this Mary Palmer girl. She knew the character was supposed to be fictional, but she couldn't escape the oddness of how the poem directly described her life. Even the ages matched the events that had happened. 

No one knew. No one needed to know. Her mother never knew of the tragedies that had occured to her own daughter. Not even Harry, or Ron could have suspected even an ounce of the truth. To the world she was always known as Hermione Granger.

Sweet, innocent, and smart Hermione Granger. She hid her life so well to the outside world. Her friends saw her as a brainy, book worm with no life outside of school. Her enemies saw her as a know-it-all bitch and best friend to Harry Potter. Either way you look at it, she was a nobody.

Part of her was satisfied being that way. No one would ask questions, and she wouldn't have to deal with the stress of answering them. But the other half of her hated it. She was sick of being a nobody. She was sick of being alone.

Hermione and Harry had dated the previous year during school. They were critisized constantly. Hermione usually got the worst of the blow. Harry was famous. He had his own fan club of adoring girls who would do anything to date him. He was perfect, handsome, and one of the best wizards in the world. He had to be. Not just anyone could beat Lord Voldemort and send him back to the hell of which he was born. No, only one could, and that was Harry.

Hermione was, on the other hand, Hermione. The girls envied her to the point of hatred when they dated. It was hard on her, especially with everything she had gone through in the past. Harry tried to put a stop to all the teasing. He tried so hard for the both of them. But in the end it had gotten to the better of him. He broke off the relationship with her before summer started.

Hermione had seen it comming, but was still hurt when it happened. They had promised each other to still be friends, but that was impossible and they knew it. The had shared so much, been through so much, and felt so much. Harry never realized how much they had grown together until he broke up with her. Choking out the words hurt for him. Strangely enough, they didn't affect Hermionethe same way.

She had become numb up until this time. But for his sake, she put on her show of crying and pleading for him not to do it. Harry took the bait loyaly. The summer wasn't filled with the usual letters back and forth to each other. Ron kept in touch as usual. He pitied how things had turned out for them. Harry had only written to her once while he stayed at the Borrow because Ron had made him.

Things weren't the same for all three of them when they met again at the train station to go to school when the summer ended. Hermione's summer had been filled with the same beatings and degradations from Willis as always. However, when asked, she simply used her same excuse of reading all summer and nothing else.

They tried to make the meeting normal. Ron was his usual self, but Harry was distant. All three of them shared a compartment on the train for about a quarter of the ride. It was unbearably awkward, so Hermione left and found a compartment for herself. She had been made Head Girl and was excited about it, however, didn't feel like shareinga compartmentwith someone else. Especially a boy. Over the years of misguidence from the opposite sex, she had grown a resentment and slight fear for them. Harry and Ron had been the only two she trusted.

Here she was now, sitting by herself. The poetry book she had had in her hand was now sprawled on the floor. Tears stinging her eyes, she clenched her fist and drug the blade across her arm. As the blood started to dribble out, she rested her head back and sighed, a slight smile playing across her lips.

She was startled to hear her compartment door open. She nearly gaged and wanted to just hex herself to death right then and there as she looked into the hollow eyes of Draco Malfoy.


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot.

Chapter One

The motion of the train soothed him. In all his life, the only thing Draco could rely on were the soft bumps and rumbles made by this large machine. As he stood in front of the mirror he sighed. The large bruise on his right cheekbone could barely be noticed. His muscles still stung from the last Crucio Curse thrown at him by his own father.

_Father._

That was an understatement. Lucius was many things. Vicious, vile, corrupted, sleazy, and morbid, but never a father. Since the day of his birth, Draco was nothing more than a pet he used to his advantage. Yes, a pet. He was well bred, trained, and had the occasional rolled up newspaper treatment. That is, ifone could compare a newspaper to the darkest curses of all wizarding time.

Draco had long ago become accustomed to Lucius' beatings. His body grew used to the curses he received. He had been the test subject for many of Lucius' newly invented hexes and curses. Draco snorted.

_A dog and a guinea pig. How fortunate._

For some reason this summer had been more unbearable than any other summer Draco had spent at the Manor. The number of punishments had sky rocketed to numbers he never would have thought of. Each day turned out to be more unpredictable than the last. More Death Eater meetings were called than normal. It would have struck Draco odd if he didn't know the man so well.

By the end of the summer it would be Draco's seventeenth birthday. This day symbolized more than he would have liked. For one he would be a man. He would be his own person. Draco was amused by this. His own person. He would never be his own person. He would always belong to Lucius, whether he liked it or not. The thought sickened him.

What sickened him more was the thought that his seventeenth birthday would also be the day he would be recruited for Lord Voldemort's army of Death Eaters. Sucking up to some lunatic mad murderer was the last thing on Draco's to do list. He shuddered to think of the day that he would do any service for that creature. But it was final. His only way out was death, literally. If he stood up to Lucius himself the man would kill him after weeks of the worst torture possible. If he chose to run, he would be tracked down and killed on the spot. Draco had thought over his options multitudes of times. He had gone over each scenario carefully and precisely. Nothing seemed worth trying.

However, the thought of death did seem appetizing. In fact he had tried it, plenty of times. Poison, asphyxiation, knives, drugs… the possibilities were endless. He had tried them all, but always managed not to die. Why? There was nothing left for him on this earth. Why couldn't he just die? Why was fate such a bitch?

_Why? Why? Why?_

Too many questions and no answers. The last time Draco had tried suicide almost worked. He was so close, so incredibly close. He could almost taste the sweet freedom on his tongue. Then she had to walk in on him. Damn her. He felt almost as strongly for the bitch who called herself mother as he did for Lucius. Though she never laid a hand on him, she had stood back and watched everything. It was repulsive how weak she was. She could never stand up to Lucius. She allowed him to rip at her mind, body, and soul since the day they met. She knew exactly what she was getting herself into when he had proposed to her. But all she saw was the money and the power. Never mind the fact that she would be his slave till she died. It was the power and the riches that called to her. She had just as much of a soul as he did.

After finding Draco half-dead, she revived him. He was sent to St. Mungo's for the rest of the summer. They did a plethora of tests on him. They saw the self-inflicted marks on his body. He was introduced from one shrink to another. Potion after potion was shoved down his throat, all of which tasted like shit. Day after day he went through the same routine, stripped of his wand, freedom, and dignity.

His whereabouts flew into the wizard community like a wildfire. Every pureblood family knew. He would return to school this year with no friends, just enemies. What he hated the most were the goody tooshoos that would pity him to death. Draco sneered. Many things annoyed him, but sympathy was the worst.

Fake. That is what all if was, fake. No one would understand. No one would care to understand. They would all stare from a distance as he passed them in the hallway. Whispers would break out like mad. The rumors would spread. The story itself would change to the most remarkable stories. It would become warped beyond distinction and cause the frenzy of pity to elevate to horrifying levels. But as always he would scare them off.

_Or will I?_

Would he still have the same affect on people that he always had? Would he still have the power? Would he still be the Slytherin Prince? Or will he have lost all of it? Either way Draco didn't give two squirts of piss. So what if he lost his influence and reign over the school? He'd rather live in the shadows. That was where he truly belonged. He didn't need anyone. He figured that out a long time ago.

Draco rubbed the temples of his head. The pounding headache resisted to cease. He welcomed the pain. He always had. His father had been most unpleased when Draco was sent to the hospital. His initiation to the Dark Armywas put on hold until further notice. They already had a nut of a leader, they didn't need anymore.

Concealing the bruise again, Draco left the bathroom in search for a compartment of his own. As he had suspected, none of the Slytherins talked to him. Crabbe and Goyle avoided him like a plague. Friends… Just decorations in one's worthless excuse of a life.

Strolling down the isle Draco came upon what he thought was an empty compartment. Low and behold a Hermione Granger half dazed and dripping with blood when he opened the door. The look on her face said so much when she looked up at him. Had his heart not been so frozen, he might have felt something for the situation. Instead, his expressionless face stayed just that way. He turned and left the room to a shocked and anxiety-ridden girl. If he had stayed just a second longer, he might have seen the single tear trickle down her face and the words "help me" written across her forehead.


	3. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot.

Chapter Two

The corridors of the school were bustling with students, eager to begin the new year. Draco pushed hi way through the crowd, paying little attention to what he was doing and where he was going. His feet were set on autopilot; they knew the way. Meanwhile his mind was contemplating the events that had recently occurred on the train.

_Hermione Granger, cutter? _

Some would say that they would have never seen it coming. But Draco was not like some. He always had pictured the little mudblood full of anxiety and stress. Her entire reputation depended on her top of class status. Draco did admit that she was a brilliant witch. But brilliance comes with a price to pay.

But it couldn't be just the grades. Something else was going on… 

Ignoring the stares her faced in the hallway, Draco managed to press on to the Great Hall. Submerged in his thoughts he found a seat at the Slytherin table, unaware of the awkward glances being thrown at him. He settled himself at the end of the table, guarded by a bad setting of lights, into the shadow that was his soul. More students spilled in one by one looking him over and whispering to their partner at hand.

_Go ahead and stare you dumbfucks. See me tremble before your eyes. Not._

Then he saw her, accompanied by her two faithful companions. The tall red headed Weasel and oh-so-perfect Potter were deep in conversation as usual. Probably their lame ass fascination with quidditch. Wouldn't be surprising. Hermione trailed behind. Her presence seemed barely noticeable to the two other boys entranced in talking. Not shocking either. Both guys were two caught up in their own little world to give a damn about anything else.

I wonder if they know… 

"Hermione."

Nothing.

"Hermione…"

Still nothing.

"JERMIONE!"

"Huh?" said Hermione broken out of her train of thought. Ron rolled his eyes and sat next to her.

"What has been with you lately? First you skip out on us in the train, you haven't said a single word since we got here… What's wrong?" Ron asked. Hermione flashed a small look at Harry. Sitting diagonally from her and in front of Ron, his eyes stayed glued to the table in front of him.

_What's with him? He doesn't have to be so bloody pathetic like that._

"Nothing, Ron," she replied with a small smile. "I'm just fatigued I guess. Had a run in with Malfoy." She could have slapped herself for mentioning his name. Harry's eyes shot up instantly with a look of anger.

"What did that bastard do? Did he say anything to you?" Harry spat out no realizing how frightening he sounded. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"You've made this whole trip bloody awkward, don't give me a second look, and now you put on a defensive mode when I mention Malfoy? Great, just bloody brilliant!" Hermione scoffed, crossing her arms. Harry's features softened a bit.

"I'm sorry Hermione," he pleaded. "I didn't mean to—"

"Whatever," she cut in. "And no, he didn't do anything."

_Literally._

"I wonder if the git can talk at all, being that he just got out of St. Mungo's," Ron cut in, trying to change the subject.

Hermione faltered. "St. Mungo's?

"Yeah, he apparently snapped and went crazy. Tried to kill himself…" Ron's voice faded from Hermione's mind as she took in the words.

He tried to kill himself? St. Mungo's? So that's why he— 

"Attention! Students!" Her thoughts were cut short by the voice of Dumbledore. New students filed into the Hall in a single line led by Professor McGonagall. The young students-to-be were trembling as they made their way to the front.

The sorting ceremony was over before it begun. Every student was in his or her place. Dumbledore gave his usual speech about restrictions in the school. He glanced over at the golden trio when mentioning the forest being off limits. After a short welcome back speech, he sat down and food proceeded to fill each of the long four house tables. Predictably, Ron and Harry were the first to scoop loads of food onto their plates. However, Hermione's thoughts and eyes were rested upon another thing, or shall I say person.

Draco sat what seemed to be miserably and content by himself at the far side of his table. His eyes were locked on her ever since she had sat down, and she knew it. Not knowing what to feel or think, Hermione just stared back, wondering what was on his mind. Moreover, she wondered what was on her own mind.

How can he look so calm? If I were to walk in on someone cutting themselves… 

Hold that thought. Hermione sadly looked away from the corrupted prince.

_I'd probably ask for the knife and join them._

Pathetic. Worthless. A waste-of-space self-mutilator. That's all she was. A silent tear escaped from her lonesome eye. She wiped it away before anyone could notice. Struggling to calm herself, Hermione slipped back into reality and joined Harry and Ron in their mad feast.

Though she had looked away and indulged herself in what was a very measly proportion of food, the silver eyes of Draco Malfoy stayed glued to Hermione Granger in fascination.


	4. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. The song Hermione mumbles to herself is called "Broken" by Seether Feat. Amy Lee

Chapter Three

"They would do this to us wouldn't they?" Ro whined staring at the schedule for the new school year. He bowed his head and rubbed his eyes in aggravation.

"Double Potions AND double Defense Against the Dark Arts with Slytherin. It's bad enough being in the great hall with them!"

"It could be worse…" Hermione mumbled. Ron stared at her in disbelief. "How?" he practically shouted. The tone of his voice startled Hermione and she visibly shrunk.

You could be me… 

"We could have every single class with them. At least we have Transfiguration with Ravenclaw and Charms with Hufflepuff." She said offhandedly, ignoring the last thought that entered her mind.

"I guess you're right," Ron sighed. "But still, why double classes? Isn't cruel and unusual punishment outlawed?"

Harry smirked at this. He had been quiet lately. It made Hermione nervous. Why was he acting so weird? They had agreed to be friends, and Hermione was trying her damndest to cooperate. He was making it so hard.

The trio hurried to the first class of the day. Hopefully Snipe would have grown a heart over the summer. Yeah, over their dead bodies. Literally.

Opening the door to the dungeon, they were instantly made the first target of the day.

"Detention for all three of you!" Snape snapped at them. "What did we do?" Ron interjected without thinking.

"That'll be fifty points from Gryffindor. I would suggest that you not speak with such disrespect to your teachers Mr. Weasley. In fact, just don't speak." Snape added in his sneering voice. Ron face began to turn red with rage. He mumbled incoherent insults under his breath as he took a seat.

"Today class—oh for heavens sake what do you want Miss Parkinson?" Snape asked aggravated with the dumber than rocks Slytherin.

Pansy put down her hand and smile. "May I use the bathroom?" she asked completely unaware of the growing anger of the Potions Professor.

Snape huffed greatly and pointed to the door. Pansy leaped out of her seat and skipped along the way. Rolling his eyes, the teacher continued.

"As I was saying, today we will be working on a very important potion. It will require today's entire double class as well as next time." The class groaned. Snape ignored them and went on.

"This project will be the first major grade of this semester. Fail and you will have to retake this class." A louder groan from both the Slytherins and Gryffindors. Hermione's mind traveled elsewhere as Snape put the instructions on the board. She couldn't help but feel the penetrating eyes from a certain gorgeous, but deadly Slytherin in the back of the classroom.

Why won't he just leave me alone? 

"You will be paired as followed…" Snape took great pleasure in pairing people up with the ones they would despise the most. When he was finished, Ron despairingly moved over to Pansy's table, Hermione to Neville's, and Harry to Draco's. This would be interesting.

Hermione would have continued her self-torturing thoughts, had she not been trying to keep Neville from blowing themselves up. Meanwhile, Harry and Draco were having the most interesting conversation, or should I say dispute?

The potion being worked on was indeed one of the most difficult potions Draco had ever seen. That says a lot considering how many dark potions he had been making since he could hold a spoon. This was called the _Fiducia_ Potion. It consisted of many sub-potions, working together for one purpose. It bonded two people together permanently. If one were to ever be in great danger, the potion would send their bonded partner to them. It also worked to bring the two together whenever one needed the other desperately.

Draco contemplated the effects the two people would encounter if given this potion. A smirk formed on his face as his brain begun to spin ideas. Why not have a little fun?

"So Potter," he started off non-chelantly. Harry continued with his work as if Draco had said nothing.

"I see you and Hermione aren't hitting it off as usual." Draco said to himself. Harry's shoulder's tensed visibly. He had his attention.

"I take it the break up wasn't as clean as you would have liked. What, she refuse to fuck you so you turned her away?" His smile grew as Harry's jaw clenched even harder.

"It's none of your fucking business Malfoy," He spat back.

"Temper Mr. Potter," Draco said, mocking Snape's monotonous tone of voice. "It was just a question."

Silence.

"I bet you'd love to use this potion on her. You know, you two could be bonded together forever. How grotesquely sweet." Draco went on.

"I said shut the fuck up Malfoy," Harry said. His anger was boiling and he didn't want to break out in a fight during this class. Not this class.

"Course I guess she wouldn't content to it. Why would she want to?"

"What do you mean?" Harry asked puzzled. Draco felt as if he was stealing candy from a baby. He was almost jumping up and down with joy.

"You mean you haven't noticed? Oh that's a shame—"

"Noticed what? What did you do? I swear to fucking God—"

"Calm down Potter. Me? Touch that? I'd rather eat dog shit. You know, for supposedly being her best friend, you sure are oblivious to what's going on in her life." Draco sat back in his chair, his amusement in this charade dwindling away.

Harry stopped what he was doing. His anger was still rising, but now it was mixed with worry and confusion. "What do you know?" He forced himself to ask. The last thing he wanted was to socialize with this prick, but if something was happening with Hermione and Draco knew, he needed to know about it.

"I was just curious as to why exactly Hermione was sitting all by her lonesome on the train ride here. She sure seems different lately, much less bitchy and much more quiet. Poor mudblood—"

SMACK!

Draco's eyes began to sting from the pain felt on his jaw. Harry had struck him right where Lucius had only a couple of days before. The sound run throughout the room. Every eye was on the two boys sitting in the middle of the room. Some were in awe, some were in shock. The Gryffindors wanted to cheer for Harry, and the Slytherins had no idea what to do.

Harry's facial features showed fury unlike no other. His feelings for Hermione apparently ran deeper than Draco thought.

"Why don't you go back to St. Mungo's where you belong?" Harry said in a deathly tone.

"Harry!" Hermione screeched. The sound of her voice ripped at him.

"MR. POTTER!" Snape bellowed. "Two weeks detention for striking another student and 150 points from Gryffindor! Miss Granger please escort Mr. Malfoy to the infirmary. I will determine the grade for your project and how to deal with this later."

The Gryffindors wanted to hurl. Only the first day back and they were under 200 points.

Hermione scrambled to get to Draco. Standing up, Draco nearly fell back down again. The punch was a lot stronger than he would have ever predicted. Unaware of what was going on, he threw one arm over Hermione's shoulder. She cringed as soon as the physical connection was made. Not wanting to cause a scene, she wrapped an arm around his waist and led him out of the class.

* * *

Her temper stayed somewhere between furious and confused as to the situation.

"What in the hell is your problem Malfoy?" she yelled, struggling to keep up his weight. Draco laughed.

"My problem? What do you mean by MY problem?" He chocked out between breaths of laughter.

"I mean exactly what I meant. You just had to pick a fight with Harry didn't you? Just couldn't resist it? After being put in a psychiatric hospital one would think you would have given that patronization up…"

"I beg your pardon?" Draco yelled, stopping in mid step causing Hermione to lurch back unexpectantly. He removed his arm from her and leaned on the wall for support.

"You want to chat, okay let's chat…" Hermione shrank into her protective shell, knowing what was coming up.

_Please don't bring that up… anything else but that._

She began to ring her hands in nervousness. Draco noticed this and calmed down.

His words were spoken in barely more than a whisper.

"Why did you do it?" He asked.

"Do what?" Hermione asked trying to play dumb.

"Granger, Granger, Granger… It's no use trying to act stupid, it doesn't suite you well. I ask again, why did you do it?"

Hermione began to tremble. "You wouldn't understand," she sighed. Tears began to fill her eyes.

Oh God no, Please don't. Not now, not here. Not in front of him… 

Her teeth began to chatter, a common trait of hers before a total mental break down.

Fight back… Fight… Oh fuck! 

Draco watched in fascination as the girl he had despised for so many years crumble to the floor. She wrapped her arms around her legs and began to rock back and forth. Burying her face she began to sing softly to herself.

"Cause I'm broken, when I'm open… 

_And I don't feel like, I am strong enough…"_

Draco felt…something. It was hard to tell what exactly it was, but it still surprised him. It had been so long since he had last felt any emotion besides resentment and anger. Slowly he knelt beside Hermione.

"Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome… 

_And I don't feel right, when you're gone away."_

Tears spilled from her eyes. It hurt to cry. It hurt so much. Everything hurt. She was overwhelmed by too many emotions. These breakdowns were unpredictable and harsh. Everything came flooding back to her at once and she couldn't keep herself calm. Eventually she knew she would pass out and wake up with a throbbing headache some short time later.

"Granger?" Draco whispered.

More tears and singing,

Draco swallowed hard.

"Hermione?" He asked. She did nothing so he put a hand on her back. Big mistake.

Hermione jumped at the slight touch of his hand. Realizing who he was and what was happening sent her in a panic attack. She quickly jumped from the ground and backed away from him. Visions of the gang rape she encountered flashed before her eyes. Suddenly she began shouting to rid herself of the voices.

"_That's my good little cunt. Now don't scream, or this will much more painful."_

"Get away from me!" She screamed. Draco looked puzzled. Throwing her hands to her ears, Hermione backed away even more.

"Hermione? What's wrong? Tell me, I just want to help." It was all Draco could think of. He took a shaky step towards her, his head still dizzy from Harry's blow.

"Stay away!" She screamed. "DON'T COME NEAR ME!"

She turned and ran as fast as she could down the hallway, leaving Draco alone.

Always alone… 

Slowly, but surely, Draco made his way to the infirmary, contemplating what had just happened.


	5. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I own nothing, only the plot. Song is "Breathe No More" by Evanescence

Chapter Four

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long,_

_That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side._

_All the little pieces falling, shattered_

_Shards of me to sharp to put back together_

_Too small to matter_

_But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces_

_If I try to touch her._

_And I bleed, I bleed._

_And I breathe, I breathe, no more…_

Some people would say that their dreams were their only means of survival. Dreams created a world that they could control. Who wanted to face reality when there were sweet dreams awaiting for anything you wanted?

Draco never had a chance to experience this. He had heard all the rumors, read the stories, listened to the songs, but still didn't understand it. Dreams were for the fortunate. He wasn't fortunate. Instead of peaceful dreams, he received nightmares. Nightmares that prohibited him from sleeping on several occasions. Nightmares filled with death and blood-curdling screams. No, dreams weren't for him. Whatever bastard that ruled over this universe made sure of that.

He opened his eyes to nothing. It was all white. Draco groaned and rubbed his head. The throbbing headache was his only key to knowing that he wasn't dead.

Guess I made it to the infirmary… 

Indeed he had, minutes later passing out. The last thing he remembered… What had happened? Draco squinted his eyes and looked briefly around the plain white room lined with several, uninhabited beds. He closed his eyes and concentrated hard.

What was the last thing he could remember?

There was Potions class… A potion project… Potter hitting him… Hermione helping him to the infirmary…

Shit, Hermione!

Draco groaned again, this time louder. What happened? He could remember talking to her, trying to get her to open up. She started to cry, she was rocking, and singing. God she had such a sweet voice. He tried to help her, reach out to her. He put his hand on her back…

Now it was clear. She was freaked out when he touched her. She ran, but why? Where did she go? That wasn't important, what mattered was why.

Draco had witnessed many times how girls had cringed when touched. Mainly it was when he watched a death eater touch a girl he would soon rape.

Was that it? Was she raped in the past. It seemed impossible. Hermione Granger had been in many deadly situations with Potter and Weasel. She was always smart enough to get out of dangers way. It seemed absurd that she would allow herself to be raped. But then again, it was absurd that she would distance herself from her two best friends and be caught cutting herself.

Nothing was really surprising to Draco anymore.

After a deep sigh, and large yawn, Draco managed to subside his thoughts. He was much to tired to think right now. Completely drained, He reached over and grabbed the bottle of Dreamless Sleep Draught and downed it completely. Giving into the beckoning slumber, Draco slipped back into the nothingness world he called home.

_

* * *

_

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well

_Yet again I refuse to drink like a stubborn child_

_Lie to me, convince me that I've been sick forever._

_And all of this will make sense when I get better_

_I know the difference_

_Between myself and my reflection_

_I just can't help but to wonder_

_Which of us do you love?_

_And I bleed, I bleed._

_And I breathe, I breathe, no more…_

The song played in her head over and over like a broken record. She sat frozen, showing no emotion as her eyes rested upon the giant lake before her. It seemed to never end. She enjoyed this. The silence, the peace. But most of all the silence. The voices in her head had finally disappeared. All it took was her giving into their demands.

Slowly, Hermione pulled back the sleeve and traced the deep cut lightly with her finger. She knew she could always conceal them with a simple charm. But she never did. Why erase something you created? They were her memories, only they were different. These memories she could see with her own eyes. They didn't haunt her dreams, they didn't whisper in her ear with a constant determination to reduce her to a tiny speck on the earth's surface. No, they were just there. She liked that. She liked to see what was causing her pain, instead of feeling it from some unknown source. Seeing it, knowing it, something about that was just so much bearable.

People didn't understand that. Society view cutting with disgrace. People killed other people on a daily basis. They caused the families and friends of their victims so much pain. Yet when a person chooses to put the same pain on themselves visibly, everyone judged them. They called them psychos. So Hermione was a psycho. So be it. At least she was alive. Isn't that all the world wanted? To keep her alive so it could use and abuse her? She gave it what it wanted, let her have something for herself.

Hermione picked up a rock and leisurely threw it in the lake. The disturbed water vibrated with ripples when struck. Hermione could relate to this. Being disturbed, trembling like the water. She knew Draco must have taken her as a fool for her weakness earlier that day, but she didn't care. She was once again numb, at least until another rock was thrown at her.

Standing up easily, Hermione gingerly rolled the sleeve back down her arm. She turned to walk back to the castle, knowing that she wouldn't be missed. She knew they would just assume she was in the library. Sighing, she slowly tock her time walking back to her prison.

* * *

Her hand trailed along the stonewalls in the hallway. It was late. She had missed the entire day of school. She didn't care. It was probably time for her to shed this façade she had been holding onto for so long. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. Turning back, she crept into the opposite direction of the common room to the infirmary instead.

Slipping in silently, she made her way over the Draco's bed. Standing over him, she let herself fully analyze him for the first time. He was beautiful; she had to admit. His silver blonde hair gently framed his angelic face.

How could something so beautiful be so cruel? 

Hermione had never really forgiven him for the hell he had put her through since the day they met. He had hated her with full passion. In fact, she had never seen him more pleased than when he had ridiculed her and insulted her. She never gave into him and his degradation of her. She had always stood up to him. And he always came back to her.

It was a strange relationship if you thought about it. There were plenty of other people he could have teased. Plenty of others that he could make cowards of. But she was his favorite. He would insult her; call her a mudblood. She would bite back with just as much venom. They would leave each other furious with the other person. The next day they would do it all over again. They probably would have gone mad if they hadn't had the other to antagonize.

Hermione extended her arm and lightly brushed the strand hair out of his face. Surprisingly, Draco unconsciously reached up and grabbed her hand. Hermione jump, slightly startled. He was still asleep, she was sure of that. He lightly brushed his lips to the back of her hand and held it to his heart.

Hermione grew a bit panicky. What was she going to do? She couldn't just stand there the entire night. What if Pomfry happened to walk in? She would give Hermione hell which would wake Draco. That would be such an awkward mess.

Hermione gently squeezed Draco's hand and tried to pull away from him. Instead of prying free like she had planned, Draco reached up, grabbed more of her arm and pulled her to him. Hermione was practically on top of him. Draco proceeded to wrap his arms around her and pull her until she really was lying on top of him.

Damn it! How do I get out of this one? 

She could only imagine what the sight must have looked like. A slumbering Draco locking a struggling Hermione haphazardly in his arms. It would make just about anyone bust out into a mad fit of giggles.

With one last effort, Hermione Pushed away from Draco, a bit too forcefully, stumbling back a bit and knocking over a tray by the bed. Frightened and scared of being caught, she ran to the door of the wing, and got out as fast as she could, sure that if she saw her face it would be redder than Ron's hair.

Meanwhile, Draco laid in bed, his eyes half open, and the biggest grin on his face.


	6. Chapter Five

I would first like to thank all my reviewers. It means alot to hear the good compliments.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot.

Chapter Five

The next few days proceeded without incident. Harry, however, was making a point to be around Hermione more often. She constantly felt trapped beneath his gaze. The year had gone from being awkward to just plain scary. Hermione didn't like how protective Harry was being to her. Few words were spoken between them as always, but he kept a determination to be by her side at all times. Suffocated, Hermione had to get away. The first trip to Hogsmeade was rounding the corner, and she couldn't wait to get out of the confines of this blasted school.

In potions class, Snape had ended up replacing Draco's old partner, Harry, with none other than Hermione. The two worked efficiently and professionally. Neither brought up anything that wasn't related to the potion at hand.

"Hermione?" Harry called after class had ended. Reluctantly, Hermione answered to his call. "Yes?" she replied sweetly.

"Can I walk you to your next class?" Harry asked in a very sheepish tone. Hermione stared at him quizzically.

_What is he on about?_

"Harry," she began, very slowly.

"You're in my next class…"

Feeling stupid, a slight redness formed at the base of his neck. Draco, severely sickened by the scene played before him, cut in on the action. Briskly walking past the two, he knocked into Hermione, causing her to lose her balance. As if choreographed, Draco wrapped his arm around her waist to keep her from tumbling over. She grasped onto his neck for support. Looking up, she locked eyes with the mischievous savior.

"Watch where you're going Granger," he breathed, his face barely inches from her. Hermione quickly snapped out of her daze. Shoving herself away from him, she headed to the door.

"I believe you should watch where you're going Malfoy." She replied before leaving the room, Harry trailing behind her like a lost puppy looking for a way home.

Draco chuckled to himself and moved on to his next class.

* * *

"What is going on with you two?" Harry asked as soon as they stepped into the hallway. Hermione continued to walk, not particularly in the mood to argue with him.

"I haven't the faintest idea to what you are on about Harry," she said absentmindly, making her way to the Charms room.

Harry grabbed her arm and spun her around. "You know damn well what I'm on about!" he hissed not even caring about the small flash of fear playing in Hermione's eyes.

Hermione quickly gained her composure back, fury flashing in her eyes.

"First of all, Harry," she spat out, snatching her arm away from his grip. "You are not my boyfriend. You made sure of that last year. Secondly, you are not my guardian. I do not have to tell you every detail of what is going on in my life. Thirdly, you need to stop with this suspicious bullshit. There is nothing going on. Maybe you haven't noticed, but Malfoy has been a bit different since he got to school this year. He might not be as horrible as he once was."

"People can't change like that, Hermione." Harry said in a low tone. Hermione looked him square in the eye.

"You're right Harry. People don't change. I have prime example number one standing right in front of me." Her words made Harry's eyes change in and instant. His features went from angry to pure defeat. Before he could get a word in, Hermione charged down the hallway and out of his sight.

Standing in the far corner, Draco nodded in understanding at the scenario. Once Harry had gone, he swiftly followed the trail to find Hermione.

* * *

It was cold, it was raining. It was perfect. Hermione stood outside on the astronomy tower, looking over the balcony. She gripped the stone railing so hard her fingernails began to splinter. She ignored the pain and continued, adding scratching the stone to her agenda. Draco slowly emerged from the entrance. He said nothing, but Hermione knew he was there.

"How can he do that to me? How could he just assume…" her voice trailed off.

Draco walked closer to her. The rain was dropping at a steady, drenching rate. His clothes instantly soaked in the water as he stood beside her. Looking down, he saw her splintered nails slowly seeping with blood. He did nothing.

Without facing Hermione, he spoke.

"People fear being left out." His voice was soft, the words somewhat comforting.

"But I have never left Harry out of anything. He and Ron are my best friends. I don't keep secrets from them."

_A complete lie._

"They know nothing about you do they?" Draco asked.

Silence.

"I guess they don't." came a tiny reply.

"I don't even know my own self." Hermione realized.

Draco turned to face his back to the barrier that prevented him from falling to his death. He looked at Hermione, mesmerized by her image. She stood soaking wet, her hair plastered to her face. Her school uniform would be ruined by the rain. So would his, but he didn't care. He reached out and lifted her chin so he could see her eyes. He allowed himself to fully indulge in the pools of chocolate.

"It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul," he quoted. Hermione didn't pull back, she didn't cringe at his touch.

"What do you see?" she asked. Draco did not answer. He just stared, enthralled by her raw beauty.

"What happened to you?" He asked, breathless.

She stayed silent, averting her eyes from his view. As much as he did not want to allow it, he had to give into her demands, and let her look away, depriving him of what he sought after.

"You were always so strong, so sure of yourself, Hermione." He paused.

_Hermione. Not Granger, or mudblood. Just Hermione._

"How can someone like you lose track of your own identity?" he continued.

Hermione pondered for awhile. "I guess I never had one."

Draco sighed. "Well I guess we'll just have to find it."

Hermione's features turned to her hopeless state. She could hear the voices coming back. She could already feel her collapse before it even happened. Her breath steadily grew faster.

Draco moved closer to her. Slowly, he positioned himself behind her, slipping his arms around her waist and burying his face in her neckline. Hermione did not move. She did not scream. For the absolute first time in her life, she felt safe with a man.

_A man._

Draco was no boy. His rock hard muscular body pressed against her back. He was grown and mature. He had passed his days of jacking around and breaking girls hearts. He had indeed changed in a magnitude way since being sent to St. Mungo's. Maybe he could help her, but how? Her mind shuffled so many thoughts she was starting to get a headache.

"I'm scared." She confessed in a barely audible whisper.

"That's normal," Draco said, gently pressing his lips to her neck.

"Were you scared?" she asked. "I mean, when you went to St. Mungo's? Were you scared?"

Confessing fear was like showing weakness to Draco. A Malfoy was never to be fearful, only feared by others.

"Draco?"

"Yes. I was scared, but not of going to the hospital. I was scared of what would happen when I got out. My initiation to the death eaters had been postponed because of the hospitalization. For that I am lucky, and grateful. But now, I have no excuse. If forced to join them, I'd half to."

Hermione didn't argue. She understood. Having and abusive step-father herself, she completely knew the consequences to disobeying an order. There was no freedom. They were both trapped like animals. But they were trapped together. They shared the same cage.

Softly subduing her shaky breaths, Hermione laid her head back on Draco's chest. They didn't know how long they stood out there, in the rain, on that tower. It could have been hours, it could have been minutes. Time had no limit or distinction for them. Softly listening to the pitter patter of droplets connecting with stone and concrete, the couple shared together the ultimate feelings of bliss.


	7. Chapter Six

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot (Though I wouldn't mind owning Draco wink). The song in this chapter is part of Hilary Duff;s "Comeing Clean". I don't care for her at all, but the excerpt is good for the story. shrug Again, I thank all the people who have reviewed. I'm touched by your comments. tear

Chapter Six

_Let the rain fall down  
And wake my dreams  
Let it wash away  
My sanity  
'cause I wanna feel the thunder  
I wanna scream  
Let the rain fall down  
I'm coming clean…_

The water was scalding, and she liked it like that. Hermione let her head fall back, as she shower cleansed her. The hot water slithered down her body like silk. Slowly, her porcelain skin took on a rose color from the heat.

Hermione breathed in the steam being produced. The sir filled her lungs, breaking them of the congestion clogging her. The entire week she had obtained a gruesome cold. She had refused to see Madam Pomfrey, who would have wanted to examine her from head to toe. Instead she took on the illness stubbornly. Draco has also encountered the same beastly cold.

_But it was so worth it._

A smile slowly formed on her face. The memories of that night came to her. She enjoyed remembering his words, his soothing touches, the warmth felt through freezing rain. Hermione wished that all of her past memories were like this.

Turning off the shower, she stepped out and grabbed a towel. After changing into comfortable clothes, she grabbed a book and headed down to the common room. She stopped at the base of the stairs when suddenly hearing her name.

"Hermione? Draco? You can't be serious!" giggle that of a female's voice.

"I'm positive. I swear it!" came a reply. Hermione recognized the voices. It was Lavender and Pavarti in deep discussion about her.

"What makes you think those two would be… together?" Pavarti asked.

"I saw them! Up on the astronomy tower. They were looking rather close." She said with an evil grin to her voice.

"Are you sure it as them? It just seems so impossible!" Pavarti squeaked.

"Of course it was them!" Lavender said hotly. "I saw it with my own two eyes. How many guys in this school have that gorgeous blonde hair of his. And it was Hermione, I saw it plain as day."

"I still don't believe—"

"Look, Draco DID go to St. Mungo's for the summer right? Maybe he's trying to be noble or something…"

"Or maybe this is some evil plot for he-who-must-not-be-named's benefit!" Pavarti said excitedly.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

_They have no life, this is absurd._

"Haven't you seen the way Harry's been acting lately?" Lavender asked.

"Yeah. He's been drooling over Hermione and has been deathly jealous over Draco. Why else would he have punched him in class two weeks ago?"

"Maybe she's turning to Draco to MAKE Harry jealous!"

_Now that's crazy._

Hermione pondered. She and Draco weren't lovers. She didn't even really consider them friends.

_What are we?_

Acquaintances? No, they were more than that. Enemies, they weren't really that either. Buddies? Not really.

_We support each other…_

Yes! That was it. They were supportive. They had each other's backs. That was it. Kind of like partners working together for a project. Yes, most definitely.

"Hermione is so lucky." Pavarti said whimsically.

"Yeah, Draco is so drop dead gorgeous." Lavender sighed.

"And I heard he was really good in bed. I wonder if they've slept together?"

"With him, most likely , but I'm not sure about her."

"Do you think she's still a virgin?" Pavarti wondered allowed.

"Probably," said Lavender. "Of course she and Harry did date for a rather long time, and they have been friends forever. I bet she lost it to him."

"Merlin, she IS lucky. Everything always works out for her. Why can't I be that way?"

Hermione snorted.

_You have no idea…_

"Oh! I have top meet Ron tonight in the library." Lavender said mischievously.

"Sneaking out to shag him again are you?" Pavarti asked. "You two kill me…"

Hermione had had enough of the conversation. She quickly emerged from the stairs pretending to have never heard a word. Both girls stared at her and looked at one another, smiling.

_Oh for heaven's sake._

"Hello, Hermione." Lavender said cheerfully.

"Hello, girls," she replied before centering herself in one of the overstuffed chairs by the fire. Opening her book, she began to read and ignore their constant fidgeting and signals to each other.

The two girls left the room, heading upstairs in a fit of giggles.

_Good God, they need help.

* * *

_

Draco examined himself in the mirror. His face was gaunt and lifeless. He looked down to his arms. Several large, deep cuts ran down them, staining his snow white skin with crimson blood. He felt the burning sting caused from the wounds. He sighed deeply and reveled in the pain.

Just one more… 

Reaching for the counter, he grabbed the heirloom knife. The handle was made of ivory, embossed with thin gold and silver lines. It revealed the Malfoy crest on both sides of the handle.

Gingerly, Draco took it in his hand. He held it to his arm. Breathing in deep he slowly pushed down and pulled the knife for a few inches. His eyes began to water and his mind began to swirl as the blade dug deeper into his flesh. Yearning for release, that's all he wanted.

He began to feel faint, causing him to drop the knife. Fighting to gain his bearings, he slowly stumbled to his room over to the desk resting next to his bed. Sitting in the chair, he reached for the letter sent to him earlier by owl.

_Draco,_

_As been discussed, a date has been set for your initiation for Lord Voldemort. You will return home over the Holiday promptly and sent before him. Don't even think about trying anything stupid, I'm two steps ahead of you. If you even consider putting yourself back in the hospital, I will not hesitate sending you even further to your death. I will not have you humiliate me like that again._

_Be prepared to face your Lord when you return home. He awaits your arrival._

_L.M._

Draco stared blankly at the words.

_Bastard._

Not again. He couldn't go through this again. Yet he knew it was inevitable. He could never escape Lucius' wrath.

_Hermione._

He closed his eyes. He needed her.

_Go to her._

Slowly rising from his chair, Draco grounded himself and slowly made his way to his door. He grabbed his robes, covering his bloody arms from view, and left to find her.­­

* * *

Hermione walked the halls alone. So far, as part of Head girl Duties, she hadn't seen another soul to punish for being out so late. Halfway down the corridor, she stopped. She heard it, footsteps.

They weren't clean and crisp like normal footsteps. They were sloppy, drugged footsteps. Almost like that of a person struggling to walk. Hermione listened harder, taking another step forward.

A moan. A painful moan.

"Hermione…"

Hermione paled. Swiftly and quickly, she walked to the end of the hall and rounded the corner. The sight almost made her scream.

Draco, barely conscious, leaned against the wall as he took another step. His head hung low and his legs shook with each movements. Hermione rushed to him.

_Holy shit!_

"Draco?" she said as she reached him. As she put on hand on him, his body collapsed into her arms. She engulfed him and struggled to keep her balance with his added weight.

Her sweet voice reached his ears. He looked up at her. Her figured was barely visible and blurry as his eyes tried to adjust.

"Hermione…" he breathed, and passed out.

Hermione gently sat down on the ground, with Draco in her arms. She felt something warm and sticky emitting from his robes. Pulling out her wand she attempted to examine him.

"_Lumos_!" she said softly. She pulled his robes away and gasped to see the large amount of blood covering the entirety of Draco's arms.

Quickly, Hermione used her wand to levitate his passed out body. Panic stricken, she practically ran, towing him along after her, to her room.


	8. Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. I really hope ya'll like this chapter. I know I had a GOOD time writing it. LOL.

Chapter Seven

"_And I bleed, I bleed,_

_And I breathe, I breathe, no more"_

His eyes fluttered open before shutting them abruptly. The headache instantly took and form and the light behind his eyelids became blinding.

A gentle softness presented itself on his face. The touch was soothing, serene. The hair on his face brushed away and tucked behind his ear.

Slowly opening his eyes again, he gasped to see Hermione hovering over him. He had died and was being met by an angel.

_Why does death have to be so painful?_

Lifting his hand, he rubbed the back of his neck, trying to rid the pounding headache. Hermione turned and point her wand to the lights above, dimming them to a suitable level.

Draco, meanwhile, reached for her hand, gently kissing the tips of her fingers. She smiled, blushing slightly, and looked at him with what could have been a worried expression. It wasn't sympathy though. What was that look?

_Empathy._

All Hermione's life she had had much more of a positive attitude towards empathy than sympathy. She thought sympathy was just too fake of a concept. Anyone can feel what another is feeling, but few understand it.

"What happened?" she asked, in a very quiet tone.

When Draco first tried to speak, all that came out were mumbles. He closed his eyes and concentrated. Hermione tenderly rubbed his hand with her thumb, patient for his response.

"Take your time, you lost quite a bit of blood. I'm surprised you made it as far as you did before you collapsed."

"W…where…?" he managed to get out weakly.

"You're in my room. No one saw you, no one knows."

Draco breathed deeply.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Hermione asked again.

"Father…" Draco chocked out.

Hermione nodded, completely understanding.

"Does it have to do with the death eaters and Voldemort?"

_She's good._

Draco nodded his head twice.

"Here, try to drink this. It'll help with the headache." Hermione reached over and grabbed a vial splashing with a dark red liquid. Draco drank the potion, feeling the warm, sweet liquid climbing down his throat. It reminded him of bourbon or scotch. His headache simmered heavily. He moaned gratefully.

"Where did you find me?" he asked hoarsely.

"In the hall. I was doing my rounds. I guess you were on your way to find me?" she asked.

Draco let out a small smile and nodded.

"Needed you." He simply stated. Hermione smiled.

"I cleaned you up, sealed the wounds, and concealed the scars. The potion helped to restore your blood—" Draco silenced her with his finger to her lips.

He gently stroked the side of her jaw line with the edge of his fingers. Sliding his hand to the back of her head, he beckoned her to come closer. As if under the Imperious, Hermione obeyed, inching her way closer to his face.

When their lips met she could have sworn the lights had flickered. Tenderly, Draco slid his tongue into her willing mouth. The feeling was as marvelous as he had predicted. She tasted like the sweetest honey the heavens could supply. Slowly, he summoned Hermione on top of him. She complied, still locked to his lips. As gently as she could, she laid her body on his, feeling his strong and muscular chest rippling underneath her.

Hermione sighed deeply, completely melting into the kiss. She cupped his face with one hand as he slid his arms around her waist and back. Draco moaned and pressed her as close to him as physically possible. Oh how he didn't want to ever let her go.

Using every bit of strength he had, Draco rolled himself over and laid on top of Hermione. His muscles ached like mad, but the pain was nothing compared to the sense flying around in his head. Draco had kissed many girls before, but none ever like this. He had been passionate, but never really felt the passion until now. Hermione completely dissolved with his touch, his gentle caresses. She moaned softly into his mouth.

"Thank you," he whispered silently in her ear. Hermione blushed, and continued kissing him.

Draco started to slide his hand under her shirt, craving to feel her softest skin. Hermione hesitated, abruptly cutting off the kiss and grabbing Draco's wrist. She sadly and fearfully looked up into his eyes. Draco could have cried, had he had tears to shed.

_What did they do to you?_

"I'm not going to hurt you Hermione," He assured her firmly, yet gently. Hermione closed her eyes, her lips beginning to tremble. A single tear escaped from under her eyelid. Shaky at first, she removed her hand from his wrist, sliding it up his arm to his neck. Draco lightly pecked her lips, wanting to go slow.

Hermione loosened up again and little by little stopped shaking. Draco slid his hand bit by bit under the seem of her blouse. Hermione jumped slightly, surprised by the softness in his touch. Draco rested his hand on her stomach, drawing tiny circles with his middle and index fingers. Hermione's breath began to quicken just a hair, but it was still noticeable. She wiggled under him, making herself even more comfortable.

Draco continued to slide his hand until he reached the base of her bra.

"May I?" he asked into the kiss.

"MMhmm…" was Hermione's only reply. Every so soothingly, Draco cupped her breast in the palm of his hand. Hermione gasped, arching her back slightly. This caused all the replenished blood in Draco's body to travel to his loins. He tried so hard to control himself. It didn't work.

He regretfully broke off the kiss and buried his face into her neck.

"Holy shit, Hermione," he gasped heavily into her neck. Hermione could feel the bulge pressing on her leg. Biting her lip, she spread her legs just enough for Draco to nestle between. Draco looked back at her, slightly surprised, but grateful. He removed his hand from under her shirt and slipped it behind her back, pressing his lower body to hers.

Hermione moaned rather loudly and deeply, which just turned Draco on even more.

_I have to have you._

For the first time he thought those words not out of pure greed. His body screamed in a form of ecstasy he had never experienced before. He lowered his hand around her back till it reached her rear end, which he squeezed, causing Hermione to softy moan again, but with a bit of a giggle. She motioned for him to continue. He moved his hand to the button of her pants. Draco looked back up at her before daring to continue. Hermione removed her hand from his neck, and gently helped him unbutton her pants and pull down the zipper. Eagerly, Draco grabbed the belt buckles and pulled her pants down a notch. With her assistance, he completely pulled her pants off and threw them aimlessly down.

Before a thud could be heard from the clothing meeting the floor, Draco had himself back in position, fervently kissing her again. Hermione slowly pulled away from him again, pulling at his pants. Within a second, Draco's pants accompanied hers on the floor. Without the boundaries of the pant's materials, both could feel each other better. This heightened Draco's senses and drove him crazy.

_If I die now, I would have the best death experience ever._

Their kissing became more heated and more passionate. Hermione started ripping at her own shirt, practically tearing it off of her. Draco unhooked her bra, and gasped.

_God, she's beautiful._

Lowering his head, Draco connected his lips with one nipple, and grabbed the other with his hand. Hermione sucked in air, losing control over her body. She arched her neck and whimpered loudly as her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Draco continued his actions, pressing himself even harder into her.

"Óh, God, Draco… Please…" she murmured.

Draco raised himself up, removing both his and her underwear. He faltered.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked her. The last thing he wanted to do was go on his own instincts and take advantage of her.

"Yes!" Hermione practically yelled.

Gradually, Draco entered her, connected both their bodies and their souls. Both he and Hermione nearly screamed from the instant pleasure. Pulling himself out and pushing back in, Draco shuddered. Control, he had to control himself.

Pacing himself, he slowly rocked back and forth. Hermione gripped his back, trying to gain back the breath she had lost. She struggled under him. Sex had never included pleasure on her part before. It had always been forceful, tearing her apart on the inside. She had only experienced pain and agony, unable to walk the next day. She had to admit doing this scared her shitless. She didn't know what to expect.

Draco was nothing else. He was so gentle, giving her small kissed all over her face as his body moved in a rhythmic pace. Hermione joined him in the motion, beginning to feel the pleasure she had heard so much about. She started to understand what made people enjoy doing this.

Letting out a slow breath, she sighed.

"Draco…"

Draco continued making love to her.

_Making love._

It wasn't just sex. It wasn't shagging. It most certainly wasn't a quick fuck. He was actually making love. This was new.

He slowly nibbled on her ear, causing Hermione to stir intensely.

"Say my name again," he begged.

"Draco…" Hermione murmured, letting his name roll off her tongue.

His kissed her lips passionately, moving faster and a bit harder. He made every thrust into her better than the last.

"Oh, God… Hermione…" he moaned into her ear, burying his face into her neck, biting, and sucking.

Hermione's body trembled underneath him. Her moans became louder and longer, causing him to bit down harder until he drew blood. The metallic filled his senses. Moving faster, and faster, his motions caused her bed to shake vibrantly. Hermione's hips bucked, allowing him even further into her.

Then it came.

The moan in the back of her throat grew and grew. The intense pleasure spread throughout her body until she couldn't take it anymore. With a loud scream she arched her back and let the ecstasy take over her. Gripping his back, she sunk her nails in deeply, causing blood to ooze. Draco felt the sting, but only caused him to moan loudly.

He could feel her tightening around him as she climaxed. With one last thrust he emptied himself into her, letting his senses rocket to the sky.

With no strength or energy left he buckled on top of her. Both breathed heavily, soaked in sweat, and floated back down to earth.

_Wow._

Hermione could have given her soul to Satan to experience that again. She wrapped her arms around Draco, who easily removed himself from her, and curled up on top of her. Kissing his temple lightly she whispered in his ear.

"Thank you," were the last words shared and heard as the two drifted away in a deep slumber.


	9. Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. The song here is "A new Day" by Celine Dion. As always, review. I want reviews damnit, whether good or bad. Flame the shit out of me, as long as I get a review. My greatest thanks to the eighteen I have so far. Call me greedy but **I want more!**

Chapter Eight

_I was waiting for so long  
For a miracle to come  
Everyone told me to be strong  
Hold on, and don't shed a tear  
Through the darkness and good times  
I knew I'd make it through  
And the world thought I had it all  
But I was waiting for you_

Thousands of tears had been shed in Hermione's life. She had been deprived of millions of things that had made other lives fulfilling and meaningful. She had lived a life of purgatory, always traveling an endless road towards something she feared she would never reach. It was always there in front of her, clear as day. But Hermione never could distinguish the title given to it, or how it would be given to her. It's like when you're thinking really hard to find a word for something, but you never can think of it. It's right there on your tongue, begging to be said, but never is. You are left angry with yourself for not being able to accomplish such a simple task, and think endlessly for that single blasted word.

Thus was Hermione's ordeal. What was that word hanging on the edge of her tongue? What was she in search for?

_Hush, now  
I see a light in the sky  
Oh, it's almost blinding me  
I can't believe, I've been touched by an angel with love  
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears  
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears  
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun…_

Was that it? Had it been given to her without her acknowledgement? Had the answer just passed by her again? Not this time.

_A new day has come_

Hermione refused to let this window of opportunity shut on her again. She was starting a new… sort of. No one could achieve what they intended on getting over night. Hell, even God had to have seven days to make the universe. But what was she changing? And why?

_Where it was dark now there's light  
Where there was pain now there's joy  
Where there was weakness I found my strength  
All in the eyes of a boy_

Alas! Draco? Did Draco have part in this transformation? Did he dive into Hermione's soul and bring it back to the surface when it had been drowning all along? Did he even realize it? Were these his intentions? So many thoughts, so little head space. She needed a pensive to sort this out.

They had met a long time ago. He was considered pure, leaving her filthy. He was brought up in the society she used to make believe, but now was part of. They were on the different ends of the spectrum, but were both brilliant. Naturally, this had brought them together, torn them apart, and made them hate each other.

Some would call it ironic that they were beginning to bind themselves together this way. But they were always bound together. Of course, people mistake irony all the time.

Knowing that a tornado is supposed to occur in one city on a certain day, but instead happens somewhere completely different, that is ironic. This wasn't ironic, more of like a play of serendipity.

People had suspected that Hermione and Draco would come together eventually. People knew they were destined to be together. Opposites attract right? He was bad, she was good.

People are also stupid, living in a fantasy world were everything has its place and the plot is reeking with a romantic stench. They gossip, and assume, not really seeing the whole picture but instead pieces and chunks because they choose to. People retard their own minds. Both Hermione and Draco learned this a long time ago. Humanity was only concerned with itself. Why shouldn't it be? You can't get anywhere without your own two feet. O6ther people mean nothing. They don't inhabit your body. Why bother?

Another question that needed to be retrieved and put in a pensive for sorting.

But for now Hermione was content. She wasn't thinking about her philosophical views in her dreams. She wasn't consumed in trying to figure out all of the world's problems. She had just made love with a boy. Not just any boy and not just any love. It was Draco, and it was REAL love. Not the phony kind seen in movies that will never happen, and most certainly not the fake love used to get what one wants. She made genuine love. Not only that, but she received it too.

_Hush, now  
I see the light in the sky  
Oh, it's almost blinding me  
I can't believe, I've been touched by an angel with love  
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears  
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears  
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun_

_A new day has come_

_Let the rain come down and wash away my tears  
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears  
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun_

_A new day has come_

_Hush now, I see the light in your eyes  
All in the eyes of a boy  
I can't believe, I've been touched by an angel with love  
I can't believe, I've been touched by an angel with love_

_Hush now  
A new day_

_Hush now  
A new day

* * *

_

Stirring slightly as eyes opened wide, Hermione's smile could not be wiped off her face. She was rejuvenated, and loving it. Turning to her side she was faced with the disappointment of being alone in her bed. She felt the sheets of where his body had laid not so long ago. They were cold.

I wonder when he left last night?

Shaking it off, Hermione jumped out of bed. Hopping in the shower, she prepared herself for the day—excuse me—the NEW day ahead of her.

* * *

His eyes had traveled over her nude body more times than he could count. God she was beautiful! Draco would have given anything to have woken up to her sweet sleeping form in the morning. He still regretted leaving her that night, but he had to.

Unwillingly, Draco had woken up about an hour after falling asleep in her arms. He had laid there, watching her, memorizing her. The way her hair covered her face, the way the stress wrinkles erased from her forehead, the way her body slowly moved with each breath she took. Everything flowed together perfectly. It was poetic. The sight of her was poetic, that's the only word that could be used to describe it.

The consequences of what could happen that night could be taken two ways. It could force any human to squirm thinking of what his father would do or what Voldemort would do. He father alone was physically abusive, but Voldemort was vicious and cunning. Draco could only envision himself being forced to do something to Hermione so Harry would be torn apart and lead a victory for the monster he would have to call his Lord. Draco knew it. Draco knew that Voldemort knew Harry's weaknesses. The bastard studied Harry for a living. If Draco had that link that could cause victory, Voldemort would use it in a heartbeat.

That's what scared the shit out of Draco; knowing this information could change everything for the Dark Side.

But how could he be scared? Draco wasn't scared of anything, he was a Malfoy. He'd never been fearful in his life. So why now? What changed?

_Hermione._

She changed him. He had known it since the day he stepped into that train compartment and saw her bloodstained arm. He had known it when he witnessed her breakdown in the hallway. He had known it when he actually needed her. Most of all, he had known it when he kissed her. Draco Malfoy knew he would never be the same.

_I'm fucked!_

What in the hell had he gotten himself into? This wasn't the plan he made. He shouldn't even be here right now, he shouldn't be alive. He should be buried six feet under the ground, rotting in a box he would never see. He should be free. But he wasn't. Draco damned himself.

_Now what?_

He could just go on with his plan. He could end everything right now without a second thought. But that was the glitch, that damned second thought. He had one now. He shouldn't care about her. He'd probably do her a favor, killing himself off. She would follow in his footsteps, it was so predictable. They'd both be dead.

Draco called for his wand and watched as it flew to his hand in one silky motion. He looked at it, examining it. He fiddled the twig between his fingers, twirling it in circles time and time again. One spell. That's all it took. He pointed the wand to his heart.

_Avada Kedavra… Avada Kedavra… SAY IT YOU DUMB FUCK!_

Defeated, and angry, Draco threw his wand. He heard the clunk as it hit the wall, not even caring where it had landed.

A tear slipped from his eye, then another, and another. Soon Draco's body was shuddering from the spilled tears. He drew his body into a ball and nestled his head to his knees. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't do it. Two fucking words and a stick. That's how easy it was.

He swore out loud as the sobs continued. Damn her. Damned her to hell. He cursed Hermione for making him so weak. He cursed her for everything she had turned him into. He damned her for doing this to him. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Draco was delirious. He was turning mad. Had he stopped to see he was just in as far as she was, he would have realized a lot.

Instead he formed a new plan. He had to stop this, all of this. He couldn't let their relationship go any further, if that was possible, then what it was now.

_Make her hate you._

Draco stopped crying. He looked up, letting the tiniest of smirks appear on his face. That was it. Make her hate you. Make her cry, shatter her spirits. Who cared if she turned around and took her own life? That wasn't his problem. If he got rid of her, he could go on with his own plans.

A small laugh formed in the back of Draco's throat. It grew louder and louder. Eventually it became sinister. Draco wiped his eyes, still laughing and jumped out of his bed.

"_Accio_!" he yelled and felt his wand within his grip again. Calming down his mind, and cooling off to pass as normal, Draco marched out of his room, the faintest of a skip in his walk and a smirk plastered to his face.


	10. Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot.

Chapter Nine

"Running away will never make you free" Kenny Loggins

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing his uses to frighten you" Erik Hoffer

* * *

His eyes never left her. Taking a sip of his coffee, he submerged himself in the delight he would find in her pain. But she wasn't feeling pain. She was happy. This annoyed him greatly. Ever since she had walked into the Great Hall she had had a bounce to her step and a smile to her face. She sat with her precious friends, amusing herself in the jokes she never had cared for in the beginning. It was pathetic. 

How could he be feeling so much pain seeing her happy? He was the reason for it. He didn't want her happy. He wanted her to sulk in misery. He wanted to see her cry, out his name in torment as he walked away from her. He wanted to hear her screaming after him in agony as her shattered her heart. He wanted so much. But for now he was stuck with seeing her like this. Oh how he despised it.

Draco stood from his seat and left the Great Hall in distress. She was insufferable, and he couldn't take the sight of her any longer. Hermione caught the last glimpse of his robes as he flew out the door.

Smirking to herself, she excused herself from the table, explaining her need to go to the library and pick up books. No one questioned her, it was a common trait of Hermione's to be caught in the library for hours at a time.

* * *

Rounding the corner down the hall from the Great Hall, she had anticipated he would be there. But he wasn't. That didn't mean she couldn't feel his presence, Hermione had always had a sixth sense for feeling things like this. She picked it up from the many times her step-father would sneak up on her and beat her senseless. 

Draco watched in the shadow as she searched for him. He enjoyed seeing the confusion etched in her face. Then she caught a sliver of blonde hair reflect in the light. Hermione closed the space between them. Standing a few feet from him, she put her hands on her hips and stared at him. She looked so smug, it angered him.

Now was the time.

Draco emerged from the shadow that was concealing him. Hermione instantly back away, sensing something terribly wrong. Was it the emotionless look on his face, or the evilness apparent in his eyes? They gave a little twinkle that reminded her of the days he would insult her until she broke down. Fear sent Hermione's spirit plunging down to her stomach.

"Draco?" she said cautiously. Draco's eyes turned to malice.

"How dare you refer to me by my first name!" he growled. "You have no right." Hermione took a step towards him. She didn't know what his deal was today, but calling him by his name didn't seem so big of a deal under the circumstance.

"What are you talking about? What the hell happened?" Hermione's eyes had skepticism in them.

"You," Draco stated simply. Hermione's eyes turned from skeptical to confused. Draco hated that look on her, she looked so stupid, and he hated stupid. "Granger, Granger, Granger…" he clicked silently. Taking steps towards her, she in turn took steps away from him.

"What? Do you expect us to fall in love with each other and live happily ever after?" Hermione stayed silent. There was something in his voice that scared her. "Did you start to think I had feelings for you?" He cooed. Hermione felt her back hit the wall that had stood behind her. She felt trapped, she didn't like feeling trapped.

"Draco what" Draco slapped her hard before she got out her third word. The corridors of the school had never been so silent. It was deadly. I could make any Death Eater tremble or have Peeves fly away.

Hermione's body froze in the position it placed itself into after the slap. She couldn't breath, she couldn't think. She couldn't even grasp the situation enough to shed a single tear. Her face stung and she didn't even feel it. A loud crack sounded. What was that? Just the sound of her heart splitting into two again.

She had become accustomed to that sound. Eventually throughout time she no longer heard it. Her heart had turned to stone and became impossible to break.

Draco pressed himself against her, pinning Hermione to the wall. "How could I ever feel for something like you?" he whispered in her ear. "You are a filthy, disgusting, good-for-nothing mudblood. Nothing more, and couldn't possibly be anything less. I got exactly what I wanted out of you. A single. Good. Lay." Draco punctuated the last three words to emphasize his point.

"I wanted to see if the rumors about you were true, that you were as good in bed as you are in school. Guess what… they were false!" Draco shoved himself off of her. He brushed his garments off, trying to rid them of any germs the half-blood might have passed on to them. Turning, the sounds of his steps were accompanied by nothing.

There were no tears.

There were no cries.

Her voice didn't ring in the hallway like he wanted. She didn't fling herself at him telling him that he was mistaken and that something was wrong. She didn't scream for him to come back, and she didn't run away.

Hermione stayed against the wall in the same position, silent as death. She didn't blink, she didn't breathe; she simply stood still as a statue as her mind tried with all its power to weigh her options.


	11. Chapter Ten

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. Song in this chappy is "Send in the Clowns" by Frank Sinatra. It's such a beautiful song, but kinda hard to find unless you have the CD.

Note: Sometimes it's really good to listen to the songs I have written in this fiction. The lyrics are the main reason why they're in, but sometimes listening to the song from a musical point of veiw, and putting it with what's going on... It's just beautiful. But that's just a suggestion. That's how I come up with the scenerios I put in here, just listening to the music. I have a great passion for music. Yeah, I'm babbleing... Sorry.

Read and Review!

Chapter Ten

_Isn't it rich? _

_Aren't we a pair?_

_Me here at last on the ground,_

_And you in mid-air._

_Send in the clowns._

_Isn't it bliss?_

_Don't you approve?_

_One who keeps tearing around,_

_And one who can't move._

_But where are the clowns?_

_Send in the clowns._

_Just when I stopped opening doors,_

_Finally finding one that I wanted, was yours._

_Making my entrance again with my usual flair_

_Sure of my lines, nobodies there._

_Don't you love a farce?_

_My fault I fear._

_I thought that you weren't what I want,_

_Sorry my dear._

_But where are the clowns?_

_Send in the clowns._

_Don't bother there here._

_Isn't it rich?_

_Isn't it queer?_

_Losing my timing slate,_

_In my career?_

_But where are the clowns?_

_Send in the clowns._

_Well maybe next year…_

She sat in the window seal, looking at the hollow world that had once again chewed her up and spit her back out. Her eyes closed and her arms hung at her side, letting the syringe fall to the ground and break into many small chucks. Her vein bleed lightly from where she had stuck herself, she could have stopped the blood flow and bandage herself, but she didn't.

Her mind was elsewhere. She allowed her eyes to rest on the Forbidden Forest not too far off in the distance. One blink, two blinks, three and then four.

_Send in the clowns…_

The song played in her mind over and over as her mouth formed the words. Nothing came out of course. She could have wept, she could have called for her blade and cut herself to oblivion. Hell, she could have fallen out of the window, there was no screen to prevent it. But she didn't.

The drugs ran through her body, making her feel heavy, yet light all at the same time. Her existence was no longer there, she was no longer living. Her physical self sat motionless besides the movements of her lips.

She could hear the piano as if someone was playing it right beside her. It wasn't a far away sound, but instead crystal clear. The soothing voice of the singer rang in her head. Each word of the song had significance. It was about her, surely the composer had been thinking about Hermione Granger when writing this song. Surely he or she knew the events that would take place. They KNEW it! It was the only explanation for how each note, each word, each tune could relate back to her.

Hermione had heard this song many years ago. It sounded so melancholy and sad to her. She instantly fell in love with it, analyzing the true meaning behind the grief ridden language shared with the listener. Whenever overcome with too many emotions, and not enough will-power to just die, Hermione would shoot up her heroine heaven and play this song in her head. Once the drugs wore off, she would return back to her world numb and worn out.

She had to stop doing this to herself. If someone was to catch her…

What would they do? Send her to St. Mungo's? They wouldn't be able to do anything. It was already too late. They would pump her with their medications, give her their potions, and perform the spells on her. It would all end up for her just as it had with Draco. Useless.

She would be kicked out of school. That for some reason meant nothing to Hermione. She only kept with her outstanding grades to keep to her façade. What of her friends? That didn't matter. If they were to feel horrible about her and want to help… well that would be a first.

Maybe she should let herself get caught. Maybe she should get up and walk to class now, after just using, and let them see the true side to her. Instead she didn't. Instead she sat here, in her own little piece of mind. No one would notice her absence. Or maybe they would. Maybe they would notice and come looking for her.

These weren't the thoughts inhabiting Hermione's mind. No, they were far from it.

_Send in the clowns…_

That was what she was thinking. The lyrics played in her head again. The song reengaged in her mind. She sighed softly to herself, closing her eyes hesitantly.

Pity.

Denial.

Very few people accepted reality for what it was. Neither did Hermione, but her methods of unacceptance were different from the average human being. She alienated herself from society's conforming ways of coping. She traveled her own dirt road.

That was a good way of thinking about it. A dirt road. It wasn't evenly paved for the convenience of others. Instead it was carelessly laid down, filled with bumps that could flatten any wheel. No one liked to use a dirt road. It was by far too messy. Stick to asphalt. Save your wheels.

* * *

Life continued at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. That is, if you could call what Hermione was doing "living". Nothing changed. The corridors stayed cold and silent as winter approached. The first snow fell of the season, sending the students into a frenzy wanting to rum amuck outside.

Harry and Ron had eventually dragged Hermione among them. She had refused at first. She just wanted to stay in her room, or in the library, burying herself and her issues in each massive book, one after another, volume after volume. NEWTS were coming up this year. They were crucial for the lives of each individual and what they would be presented with in the future. Hermione could care less. Future? She had no future. But as expected, she played her role of mother, bothering Ron and Harry to the point of insanity to study.

Now she found herself outside, in the blistering snow, watching the two boys in a snow ball fight of the century. Regular muggles only had the option of rolling snow into a simplistic ball and tossing it to one another. Wizards however, that was a whole different story. With magic, the possibilities were endless. The boys used their wands to create giant snow monsters, attacking one another until there was nothing left. Hermione watched in fascination as how something so violent could bring so much contentment.

A small sight of blonde against black caught her eye. She looked over to find Draco, standing amongst the students in displeasure. Pansy was permanently glued to his arm as they walked in the snow. Though most of the Slytherins stopped viewing Draco as their prince and shunned him, Pansy still flung herself at every opportunity. She was too stupid to think anything bad against her precious Drakey Poo.

Hermione felt something at the pit of her stomach. What was that? Pity? Yes, pity. She felt sorry for the poor fool. She understood him better than he understood himself, and yet she was the one he chose to squash with the palm of him hand. She knew his motives, she knew why he had said what he had said months ago. He was scared, but didn't want to admit to it. He was starting to unravel from his world of chaos and see past the flaws, and it scared the shit out of him. People don't like change. When you get used to something for so long, changing it seems big and horrifying. That's why people hate moving to new places and experiencing different things. Everyone is happy with the world they create for themselves. How dare someone else try to come and fix it!

The two hadn't shared a single word in the past couple of months. Snape had paired them up several times in potions for projects, and they managed to complete it to perfection without saying a single word to each other. Not a single word. It didn't bother Hermione. As far as she could tell, if Draco wanted to stay in his catastrophic world, let him at it. He could continue to let life devour him bit by bit like she did. After all, Hermione had been hidden far below the ground than he had in the beginning, and still was. Let him suffer, it wasn't her problem.

Yet no matter how many times Hermione told herself this, she knew deep down she was wrong. He was her problem. His affairs affected her, just like hers affected him. She had gotten too involved with him to just back out like that. He could choose to run away, but she couldn't.

Yes, she had had her heart broken by Draco Malfoy, she admitted it. But she didn't succumb to it.

Hermione suddenly felt something cold and wet hit her face. She realized it was nothing more than a snowball thrown by Harry.

"Come in Hermione!" he shouted. His face was red from running around and dogging the snow heaved at him. His warm breath collided with the chilly air making it smoky and distinguishable. Hermione rolled her eyes and got up from her place.

Rolling a perfect ball in her hands, she flung it at her attacker. It missed him by inches. She felt another ball strike her back. Turning around, she saw Ron look away guiltily. She scoffed.

"Two against one isn't fair!" she said, putting her hands on her hips.

"You're a lot smarter than us, that isn't fair!" Ron rebounded.

Giggling, Hermione joined the guys in their snowball fight, pushing away her thoughts and feeling of earlier and completely ignoring the burning looks Draco was giving her across the field.


	12. Chapter Eleven

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. The song in this chap is "I'm OK" by Christina Agulara (sp?)

A big ass thank you to ALL of my reviewers. I know a lot of people write out thanks for each person and all, Sorry. I should do that, but I don't. I may at some point in time.But thank you to everyone. I love writing and I know I would still do it even if no one read my shit, but even saints need sinners. I appreciate it a lot.

Chapter Eleven

_Once upon a time there was a girl_

_In her early years she had to learn_

_How to grow up living in a war that she called home_

_Never know just where to turn for shelter from the storm_

_Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face_

_Every time my father's fist would put her in her place_

_Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my room_

_Hoping it would be over soon…_

His fist connected with her already battered face. She could only guess the number of bruises she would have to hide tomorrow.

"You filthy whore!" he screamed, hitting her across the cheek again. The pain was overwhelming and caused Hermione to become dizzy and sporadically black out for seconds at a time. She prayed that he would just get his anger spell over with, and leave her alone.

_Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same_

_And I still remember how you kept me so afraid_

_Strength is my mother for all the love she gave_

_Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday_

_And I'm OK_

Hermione's body crumbled to the floor with his previous blow. "You're just like your mother. You dirty little bitch. No one could ever love you!" He kicked her hard in her abdomen. Hermione grasped painfully, lacking the oxygen she needed to survive. She could feel a rib, maybe two or more, crack from the strike of his boot.

God please let it be over…

I'm going to die, he's gone to far this time. I won't survive this…

_I often wonder why I carry all this guilt_

_When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built_

_Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door_

_The echo of a broken child screaming "please no more"_

_Daddy, don't you understand the damage you have done_

_To you it's just a memory, but for me it still lives on_

A tear fell down her face as she struggled on the ground. She looked like a bird with its wings ripped off, trying to gain balance and take flight again. She sucked in tiny bits of air. Her side was on fire.

"I should have sent you away a **long-time-AGO**!" With each word shouted he kicked her again. Where was her mother? Why didn't she stop this? She was at work, of course, oblivious that such vile acts actually occurred under this roof.

_Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same_

_And I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid_

_Strength is my mother for all the love she gave_

_Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday_

Hermione screamed in agony with each repeated kick. She couldn't take it anymore, it was too much. Her step-father picked her up by the collar of her shirt. He spit in her face and slammed her against the wall. The force knocked Hermione's head rather hard. He4r body slumped against the wall. She could feel anymore.

Was she dead? It would be a blessing.

_It's not so easy to forget_

_All the lines you left along her neck_

_When I was thrown against cold stairs_

_And every day I'm afraid to come home_

_In fear of what I might see there_

"No more… Please no more…" she whimpered, never even knowing that she was talking. Her body was in a state of shock, it was surprising words could even be formed. Tears dribbled down her face from eyes that were blank and lifeless.

"You disgust me!" He said, slapping her face one last time before letting go of her and allowing her body to trail down to the ground. He left her room without a single glance back

_Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same_

_And I still remember how you kept me so afraid_

_Strength is my mother for all the love she gave_

_Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday_

_And I'm OK_

I'm OK 

Truth be told, she wasn't ok. She never would be… ever. He head rolled down to her shoulders. She tried to raise it back up, but the pain was excruciating. After a great deal of labor, she managed to curl herself into a small ball of unworthy flesh and bones. Laying rigid and cold on the ground, Hermione cried herself to oblivion, singing a soft lullaby she had learned a long time ago.

* * *

Hermione's body thrashed violently in the couch. Harry practically got his head torn off trying to wake her up. He pinned her arms to her side so she couldn't claw him with her nails.

"Hermione!" he screamed. "Hermione! Please wake up!" Suddenly her eyes snapped open. She flew up from her sleeping position, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"STOP! STOP! PLEASE NO MORE, PLEASE!"

Harry continued to shake her. "Hermione! Wake up! You're okay. No one's going to hurt you. Look at me!" Tears choked his voice as he tried to talk sense into her. He had never seen Hermione freak out like this before. It scared him to see her screaming and fighting like this.

Finally, Hermione realized where she was. Looking around, she saw the warm confines of the Gryffindor common room, not the cold bleached walls of her room where he used to beat her to near death. She had fallen asleep on the couch, the book she was reading sprawled on the ground.

The pain still seeped inside of her. She could still feel it. The voices kept ringing in her ears. Hermione did the only thing she could bring herself to do, she broke down.

Harry engulfed her in his arms. She wept uncontrollably, the remains of the dream still playing in her head, right before her eyes. Her body trembled and the sobs grew. Soon she wouldn't be able to breathe. Harry stroked her hair out of her face. He rocked them back and forth, whispering soft words in her ear to calm her down. His heart ripped itself out as she grabbed onto him for dear life.

"Shhh…" he cooed. "You're ok, it was just a nightmare. You're ok. I'm here Hermione. I would never let anything hurt you, I swear." He closed his eyes and continued his rocking. Footsteps could be heard from upstairs. Half of the Gryffindor house came rushing down the stairs, having been woken up by Hermione's screams. When Ron caught a glimpse of Hermione's frizzy locks and Harry's jet black hair, he practically jumped down the stairs, shoving people out of his way.

"Holy fuck Harry!" he said in shock and worry. "What happened? Hermione?" He ran by their side, shooing other people away to give them space. Harry said nothing. He kept rocking Hermione in his arms and whispering in her ear. She gasped for breath every now and then and choked on her tears.

People in the crowd whispered nervously to one another.

"What happened?"

"Why is she crying?"

"Is she hurt?"

"Maybe she should go to the infirmary…:

Harry heard the last statement and snapped.

"She's not going anywhere! Go back to bed!" he shouted at everyone. Startled, the students filed themselves back upstairs, grumbling along the way. Ron stayed by Harry's side, sitting on the ground in front of the couch. He didn't know what to do.

Gently he reached up and stroked Hermione's back. Harry submerged his face back in her soft hair and rocked again. Her breathing started to return back to normal, well, as normal as she could get. Her body slowly began to relax in his embrace. Soon she ended the sobs.

Hermione didn't want to move. She was drained. So she sat there, curled up in Harry's warm arms. She felt safe.

"Please make it stop…" she whispered.

"Make what stop?" Harry asked.

"Everything!" she strangled to say.

"Hermione, what happened:" Ron asked, still clueless to the situation.

"Him…" she sobbed. Ron and Harry looked at each other with the same thought in their mind. Draco.

"I swear I'll kill him! I'll bloody kill the git!" Ron hissed.

"But you can't…" Hermione whispered. Harry was puzzled. "Why not?" he asked. Where they thinking about the right person?

"Because…" Hermione hesitated. "He's my step-father…" she spit out. Harry stopped rocking. Ron was awestruck. What had she just said. Hermione cringed. How was she going to explain this? Gently, she pushed herself away from Harry, but didn't retreat from his lap. Both the boys stared at her as she rubbed her eyes.

She sniffled. "It's my step-father," she begun silently.

"I don't understand," Harry replied. A headache began to fill her head. Hermione squeezed her eyes shut. "Bloody hell," she stated to herself. Sniffing again, she tried to think of what to say.

"My step-father…" she couldn't go on. She just couldn't. Harry put his hand on her back. "Hermione," he said, scared of what she was going to say. "What did your step-father do to you?"

The words made him want to vomit. Hermione, slowly but surely, explained. She told them of how Willis had made it a nightly ritual to beat her until she couldn't move. They looked at her in disbelief as she recalled the many nights of insults, kicks, and beatings he would give. Seeing their reactions made Hermione want to crawl into a hole and die. She didn't want to see Harry like this, not with sad eyes filled with pity. Ron looked like he was going to explode and _avada kedavra_ someone. Hermione cringed when they questioned her.

"Why did you never tell us this?" Ron asked is astonishment. Hermione could have started crying again. She lowered her head. How could she explain it to them? How could she tell them the truth? It wasn't right.

"I don't know," she bit out, scarcely audible.

"You should talk to Dumbledore about this," Harry suggested. Hermione visibly tensed. She grabbed Harry's arm and pleaded with him with her eyes. "Please don't tell him, please!" she exclaimed. "Nobody can know about this. Please! You have to swear that you won't tell anyone!"

No one said a word. They couldn't bring themselves to promise to keep this kind of secret. "Hermione," Ron stated, completely perplexed. "You can't just let him get away with this. Someone has to be informed! What'll you do when you go back home, just let him continue? No!" Hermione's head spun.

"Please…" she begged. "I've never asked anything from you too. Please just do this for me. I won't be going home after school this year, I'll be on my own. I swear I won't let him touch me again. Just don't tell!" Hermione started going off, she was on the verge of breaking down again.

Harry sensed this and silenced her. "Ok," he said soothingly. We won't tell, but Hermione you have to promise us something…" She nodded in reply. "You absolutely can't keep something like this from us ever again. These things shouldn't be dealt with on your own! Please don't keep anymore secrets from us ever again." She nodded again.

Harry hugged her again. "Let's get you to your room."

Hermione got up from the couch. Harry and Ron accompanied her out of the common room and to her Head Girl's quarters. As soon as her door closed, Ron just about jumped all over Harry.

"Are you fucking daft! What do you mean not tell! Dumbledore needs to know about this, somebody NEEDS to know about this!"

"Calm down Ron!" Harry hissed. "Didn't you see her reaction? She4 liked to have lost it. We have to do this for her, we can't tell anyone. If we do, Merlin knows what Hermione will do to herself…"

Ron's face started to relax. His red skin faded back to its normal complexion. He agreed, not wanting to. But he had to. Harry was right. Feeling defeated, he walked back to the Gryffindor common room with his shoulder slouched.


	13. Chapter Twelve

BIG ASS THANKS!

I kinda got annoyed with having to skip over those long thanks authors gave to every single person. But now I understand why they did it. So I'm being a conformist for once in my life...

**Oh2bagrapefruit** – You've posted more reviews than anyone else. I appreciate your interest from the beginning. I'm thrilled that you love this fic as much as your do. You've been awesome! You said that I write like you, I'll have to check out one of your fics sometime. I'll letcha know what I think!

**Draco's Siriusly Lupin** – I like how you find this story believable. I do hate it when stories are overly preposterous and hard to believe. I can't lose myself in something that is just too unrealistic.

**Mistress-of-Britain** – Thank you for the enthusiasm! Glad you like!

**Sharap'n Princess** – I actually like Evanescence. Hope it doesn't grate you that I used a lot of their songs in this fic. I'm glad you like it though. Dark fics intrigue me.

**Nami1** – Loving the keenness to read my work.

**Alley Mack** – Draco's slap was a bit intense. Thanks for the reviews. Yourfeednacks are well appreciated.

**ForeverInDarkness101** - It's kinda depressing how people can relate to this. I'm really sorry about your friend. I myself use to be a cutter, and I know how it can affect people around me. Hope things turn out okay for him/her.

**Lady-sanctuary** – I'm thrilled you liked the love scene. I was a bit nervous about it. Sometimes the images in my head don't quite spill out on paper like I want them to. Hope the after reactions didn't bum you out too much.

**Laurda Felton** – I like making things unpredictable. Things would have just been too boring for me if they fell in love the easy way. I like spicing things up. Glad you still approved.

**WannaBArtist** – Thanks for all the feedbacks! It's very encouraging to have more than one review from someone.

**girl88** – I think the begging was a nice touch. LOL. Draco will let her in, eventually. But he's a stubborn ass, so it'll take time. Thanks for the review.

**jonadark** – Glad you like!

**daretodream322** – I've been using the term dumbfuck for ages hun. It's my word. LOL.

**gummyness** – Your review was so sweet. Don't worry, my ego is still deflated. Yeah, happy go lucky fics bug me too. I like reading mushy gushy love fics every now and then. But sometimes that's all people write. I know I have a good sense of reality. I've been through hell and back in a hand basket. I've got lots of stories… LOL keep reading. I hope you continue with this lovely feedback!

**sophia elenchild** – to be honest, half the time I don't have a clue what my philosophical ideas mean. I write things down when I think of them, then I go back and review it. Eventually it all makes sense to me and I think "wow… I said that?" Glad you like!

**HogwartzBoizRHottiez** – I couldn't agree more with your screen name! They're sexy… **growl** LOL. I share the same love/hate feelings for Draco. He can be such an ass, but you can't just hate him. It urgs me…

**Lady Serena** – Glad you like!

**hotaru420** – Thanks for the encouragement.

**undercoverfreak** – Middle of nowhere is the place to be! LOL. Glad you liked the poem. I'm a big poetry fanatic. I'll have to add more if I can…

**darktwistepoet** – Nice name. I appreciated your feedback. I have to keep things smoothly written. There's nothing worse than trying to read a fic and it's teaming with typos and bumps. Big turn off… Glad you like!

I would also like to thank the anonymous writers: Meg, SaveEmilyChick, Kristina, Erin, Breeznby, MyBlackWolves, and Me... lol, thank you Me... I wish I could have gone to ya'lls profile or something, but your reviews still meant a lot to me.

I'm so sorry if I missed anyone so far. Let me know so you can get the recognition you deserve!

Whew... wipes sweat from forehead That was long... but worth it. Onward!

* * *

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. Songs in this chapter are "Slipped Away" and "Take me Away", both by Avril Lavigne.

Chapter Twelve

_Na na, na nana na na _

_I miss you, miss you so bad _

_I don't forget you, oh it's so sad _

_I hope you can hear me_

_I remember it clearly _

_The day you slipped away _

_Was the day I found _

_It won't be the same, oh_

His heart crumbled with each glance he shot towards her. Harry had grown up in a world that defied natural adolescence. Living with the Dursleys, he was never loved, and struggled to stay alive under Dudley's grip. Finding out that he was a wizard had been the best thing for him. But in the wizard world, he still wasn't allowed to grow up normally, even under their conditions. He was always the boy-who-lived. He was supposed to be the hero, saving the lives of millions from Voldemort. Nothing was ever fair. Nothing was ever normal.

If finding out that he was a wizard was the best thing to ever happen to him, falling in love with Hermione was defiantly the second best thing. He couldn't even count all the times she had risked her own life to save his. She was brilliant, stubborn, and loyal. Harry knew he had neglected her more than any human deserved. He had let the words of others drive him to make the biggest regret he had ever made.

_Na na, _

_na nana na na _

_I didn't get around to kiss you, _

_goodbye on the hand _

_I wish that I could see you again, _

_I know that I can't,_

Harry knew that things would never be the same between them when he broke up with her. As stated before, Hermione was brilliant. She was poles apart from the other girls in this school. She didn't flow with the crowd and she was never absorbed with all the drama. Thus it was understandable how she had reacted when Harry broke up with her. She disapproved, and said some things to Harry that he would never forget.

_I hope you can hear me_

_I remember it clearly _

_The day, you, slipped away _

_Was the day I found _

_It won't be the same, ooh _

_I have had my wake up _

_Won't you wake up. _

_I keep asking why. _

_I can't take it _

_It wasn't fake. _

_It happened you passed by._

Harry was fool for letting her go. He tried to win her back, but she had been burned to deep to just forgive him. Their history was an unusual one, full of things not many people could comprehend.

_Now you're gone _

_(Now you're gone) _

_There you go _

_(There you go) _

_Somewhere I can't bring you back _

_Now you're gone _

_(Now you're gone) _

_There you go _

_(There you go) _

_Somewhere you're not coming back_

_The day, you, slipped away _

_Was the day I found_

_It won't be the same, _

_No, the day you slipped away _

_Was the day I found it won't be the same, oh_

Harry sighed again. He blinked hard to rid his eyes of the hazy film beginning to cover them.

He was determined. He loved her, and once upon a time she had returned that love. After learning of her step-father's abuse, Harry knew he couldn't turn back. He needed her in his arms, he needed to comfort her. That night had been special, consoling her after she had woken up from that nightmare.

Harry hadn't been sure of too many things in his life. He never believed he was the right person chosen to defeat Voldemort. He sure as hell didn't feel he was right for the job. He had questioned Dumbledore and those prophecies an abundant amount of times. But he was sure of this. He was sure of his feelings for Hermione. He was sure of what he wanted.

But how would he get her back? Hermione was a tricky specimen. She had never fallen for the old charms guys used to throw at her in the past. She didn't play hard to get, she just flat out was. Harry shook his head, trying to gain back the focus in class that he had lost earlier.

_Na na, na nana na na _

_I miss you_

Meanwhile, another soul looked onto Hermione. His thoughts lingered somewhat with the same passion as Harry's, but with a different type of rage and fury.

* * *

_I cannot find a way to describe it_

_It's there inside, all I do is hide_

_I wish that it would just go away_

_What would you do, you do, if you knew_

_What would you do_

Anger, frustration, anxiety. His breathing increased with every step he took, until he had eventually broken out into a run. Reaching his room, he slammed the door, throwing his bag down.

Pace, that's what he had to do. Pace all of these thoughts and feelings off.

_All the pain I thought I knew_

_All the thoughts lead back to you _

_Back to what was never said_

_Back and forth inside my head_

_I can't handle this confusion_

_I'm unable, come and take me away_

Pacing wasn't helping, pacing wasn't doing shit. Draco let out a growl. He grabbed the nearest object and threw it at the wall with as much force as possible. The sound of shattering filled his ears, though he paid no attention to what exactly he had thrown.

_I feel like I am all alone_

_All by myself I need to get around this_

_My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you_

_If I show you, I don't think you'd understand_

_Cause no one understands_

Why was he in this predicament? He had gotten rid of her a long time ago. He had finished her off. He had smashed her, crumbled her spirit to tiny shards.

So why did he still care?

After detaching himself from the rodent, Draco had attempted to take his life again. Obviously it hadn't worked. He still couldn't do it, and it was pissing him off like no other.

_All the pain I thought I knew_

_All my thoughts lead back to you _

_Back to what was never said_

_Back and forth inside my head_

_I can't handle this confusion_

_I'm unable, come and take me away_

Her images still resided in his mind's eye. He could still feel her, still taste her. He still remembered every touch, every sound. He could recall perfectly the way she had screamed his name when they made love.

He was going in circles and it was driving him insane.

_I'm going no where (on and on and)_

_I'm getting no where (on and on and on)_

_Take me away_

_I'm going no where (on and on and on and on)_

_(and off and on and off and on)_

_All the pain I thought I knew_

_All my thoughts lead back to you _

_Back to what was never said_

_Back and forth inside my head_

_I can't handle this confusion_

_I'm unable, come and take me away_

_Take me away_

_Break me away_

_Take me away_

_Take me away_

It wouldn't stop, she would never stop. Draco would live forever, and he dreaded it.

Letting out another growl, Draco stormed around his room. He needed a distraction. Pansy wasn't good enough anymore. He needed something bigger, something that would last longer.

Draco stopped moving. His shoulders relaxed and let out a pent up breath. It was useless. He knew it. Giving up his internal conflicts, he headed for his bathroom. He needed a nice scolding shower. He needed to peel of her scent that had permanently clung to his skin.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Thanks:

**lovely deaths** - Your review was very sweet. Thanks a lot. You said something about my editing, I'm not quite sure what you mean. Sometimes this websites editor won't let me do what I want. I spell check evrything first to pick out mistakes. I'm not sure what I'm missing, but thanks for the critique. I'm glad you like my work so much. Means a lot to me!

**Oh2bagrapefruit** - I had no problem mentioning you in my thanks!

**darktwistedpoet** - OMG I hate idiots who do stupid shit during concerts like that. I mean what the hell! I'm sure they'd survive turning off their damn phones and not talking to people for a few hours. Things like that piss me off.

**Mistress-of-Britain** - Aww, you don't have to do that... LOL thanks.

**lady sanctuary** - So many questions... I'm gla dI can leave people wondering like that. Stories are so boring if everything is just handed on a silver platter to you. Well, for me anyways...

_**Note**_: I'm going to be working on a one-shot fic pretty soon. I have two of them already playing in my mind so I'm not sure which one I'll choose. So be looking out for it at some point in the near future... maybe...

And finally... The disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot.

Chapter Thirteen

A deep blanket of snow covered the grounds of Hogwarts. Chatter erupted in the hallways as classes were let out. Students bustled as they conversed with one another. Only one topic lingered on the lips of each individual.

The Yule Ball.

Indeed it was just around the corner, and everyone was eager to find that special someone to go with. Many students had managed to snatch a date, others gossiped about who would be taking who, and who was still free.

Hermione strayed through the corridor, unaware of the energy floating about. Her backpack weighed a ton and her feet were barking for a chance to sit down. The morning had been a busy one, filled with projects being turned in, massive homework being issued, and of course—the need to find a date for the dance. She, naturally, didn't concern herself about the dance. Being Head Girl, it was required that she showed up to set an example and perform her duties. However, it wasn't required to have a date, so she hadn't anything to lose sleep over.

Ron's voice rung out in the hallway, causing her to slow pace. The goofy grin plastered on his face was the first signal that something was up. Harry followed behind him, avoiding the whimsical glances the female student body shot at him. Every girl wanted a piece of him, it was a no-brainer. He had already had to turn down six girls in the past week who had asked him to the ball.

Hermione chuckled to herself as one girl opened her mouth to speak to Harry, and he averted her oh so predictable question.

"You're a natural heart-breaker, Harry Potter," Hermione stated as the two boys reached her. Harry blushed lightly and laughed the comment off.

"Harry? What about me!" Ron stated offensively. Hermione tried very hard to suppress the fit of giggles raging about in her stomach. Coughing rather forcefully, she raised her hand to cover the smile playing on her lips. Ron gaped at her.

"I don't believe this!" He squeaked. "I'll have you know there have been plenty of lucky women begging for a piece of this!" He finished his statement with a tug of his robes. Harry couldn't help himself, the scene was too comical. "What year?" he asked. Ron hesitated to answer at first, and brought out his reply in a mumble.

"First and second…" he bit out.

Hermione and Harry's laughter rung out in the hallway. Ron's face blushed into a deep red, giving him the illusion of being a tomato. Hermione gripped her side in laughter. It hurt to laugh this hard, she wasn't used to it.

"Well, what about you Hermione! I don't see guys lining up to ask you!" Ron huffed.

Hermione could have taken that remark scornfully, but she was laughing to hard and she knew Ron was just being Ron. "That's because…" she gasped, "The boys at this school are scared that you or Harry will pummel them if they even speak to me, none the less try to ask me out on a date."

Harry sighed facing Ron who slumped in defeat. "She has a point mate. You're awfully scary when you're protective. Remember how long it took Colin Creevey to get up the nerve to asked Ginny to Hogsmeade?"

Ron sighed, letting his face to pout.

"So who are you taking?" he asked Harry as the trio made their way to the Great Hall. Harry hesitated, stealing a quick glance to Hermione. "No one at the moment," he said. Ron gaped again. "No one? What do you mean no one? You're the bloody God of this school and can't even to score a date to a dance?" Harry rolled his eyes.

"I've been asked, BELIEVE me. I just haven't really said yes. I'd rather do the asking if you know what I mean…"

"Not really," Ron answered completely puzzled. Hermione laughed again at his remark, sitting between the two guys when reaching their house table.

* * *

The silence in the library gave off a creepy sort of ambience. Harry had always bargained that silence should be banned. In all his years of fighting the Dark Arts, the greatest thing Harry had learned was to be cautious of noises, but even more cautious of silence. It always had unnerved him, making his body tremble and his stomach queasy. 

She loved it. With so much chaos in life, the sound of nothing could be quite friendly. It allowed her to think, which was both good and bad, but still necessary. The obnoxious stirrings of rumors, chattering, and fights throughout the school grated her nerves on occasion. Silence was more welcoming to her than a room full of students talking to one another. Silence didn't discriminate, it accepted everyone.

Harry groaned, closing his book and wanting to slam it on the table. Hermione shot him a perturbed look, instantly silencing the second groan wanting to escape his body. He rolled his head back, rubbing his sore neck from the awkward position her had been holding it in. The sound of a sharp breath being sucked in caused Hermione's concentration to falter completely.

Irritated, she shut her book. It was useless trying to study when the person you were studying with preferred to complain about it, with or without words.

"Harry, if you choose not to use this time wisely, why did you insist on coming?" Hermione bit out. Her temper was simmering just about normal. She hadn't planned at all to come to the library when she said she was going to. It was just an excuse, like always. She could have been trailing around outside where she wanted to be. However, Harry just had to fancy joining her, so she caved and picked a random subject to "study".

Like Hermione, Harry had no interest in studying. He bit his lip, trying to think of how to approach the situation he dreaded putting himself into. It was al so ridiculous. Just asked the damn question, she's not going to flip out.

"I wanted to come to talk to you…" he started out. Hermione's eyebrows raised in inquisition. She didn't speak, making it harder for Harry to go on.

Finally, Harry crumbled and forced his thoughts out. "What happened to us?" he spilled. It was not at all what Hermione had expected. Her features softened, and she looked down towards the table. She didn't know what to make of the question and became lost in her thoughts. Harry reached over and placed his hand in hers, causing her to jumped so slightly it wasn't even noticeable.

"I don't know what you mean, Harry," she stated truthfully.

"I miss you Hermione," he confessed. A great weight lifted off his shoulders as the words tumbled out of his mouth. Step one was passed, now for the rest of the journey. Hermione's mouth opened slightly. It was starting to be uncomfortable for her, and it shouldn't be.

"Harry--" she began to plead. Her eyes were so full of emotion, Harry started to panic.

"Hold on," Harry interjected. "I know things didn't quite go as planned-- actually there never was a plan. What I mean is…" His words were jumbled together. He began to stutter as his brain tried to form sentences. "I know you must hate me and all—"

"I never hated you Harry…"

"—And I know I've been such an ass—"

"No you haven't…"

"—I let things get out of control and I shouldn't have—"

"There was nothing you could do…"

"—But I want to start over again—"

"Harry please…"

"—because I still love you."

Silence. There was that bloody silence again.

Hermione stared at him. Harry wanted to avert his eyes, the glare was so unbelievably awkward.

Love? He loved her? Hermione could have vomited. The thought was repulsive, somebody actually loving her. No… he was mistaken. He didn't love her. He was just infatuated with her and thought it was love.

"Harry, I don't know about this," she mumbled.

Harry looked like he could have died. He let go of her hand, and settled back in his seat. Step two had been complete and assaulted. Now what?

"Could we just try?" he pleaded silently. Hermione sighed, cursing herself for being the way she was. The sight of him was pitiful and tore her to shreds. How could she have had this affect on someone and never knew about it? Like a bridge with too much weight, she buckled under the pressure.

"It would have to be slow Harry," she whispered. Harry's eyes snapped back to her. She could just see the hope reeking form his pores.

"Go to the dance with me?" he asked. Actually, it was more a command than a question. Hermione nodded her head gently. "Ok," she assured him. Harry's shoulders relaxed and he smiled. Hermione returned it with a small smile of her own, all the while hexing herself for doing this to both herself and his. It was all a lie that she had created long ago, evolving into a monster she could no longer control.

Harry got up from the table, hugging her gently and excusing himself. Hermione's breaths became a bit shakier as she watched him exit the library.

What had she done?

* * *

People do many stunts thinking that they are for the better of some conflict. Arguments could be halted by both people just agreeing to disagree. However, doing so never really solves the original problem at hand. In fact, it prolongs it until the problem is in laymen's terms "catastrophic". There is a saying that the sun should never settle on an argument. No one should go to bed angry with someone; they end up the next day buried twice as deep in the hole they created for themselves. 

By now Hermione should have reached China.

She admitted that she was notorious for handling her issues in the absolute worst ways possible. She admitted she was weak, too weak to stand up for herself, and too weak to stop things that could be prevented.

Hermione should have just turned Harry down. The dance wasn't the issue. She was leading him on and it killed her. Staring at herself in the mirror, Hermione could no longer depict who the person was gazing back at her. The reflection was foreign. It was evil.

She wiped away the tears forming in her eyes and shuddered. Reaching for her wand, she cleaned the newly formed cuts on her arms and hid them from view. Taking a deep breath, Hermione freshened the make up she had applied earlier to her face and exited the bathroom.

Her room was dark and quiet. She sat on her bed and contemplated herself again for the umpteenth time that day. Looking at the clock on the wall, she sighed. Harry should be on his way to her room as we speak so that he could escort her to the ball.

Out of anxiety, Hermione began cracking her knuckles. This would be an interesting night.

The sound of knocking could have turned her ears deaf compared to the agonizing stillness in the room. He was here. Yay…

Hermione shook her head and breathed deeply. Shoving all the nonsense out of her head, she gave one last look over at herself and pried open the portrait door. However, the emerald green eyes she had dreaded to see did not pear back at her. Not knowing what else to say, she spoke the first thing that came to mind.

"What do you want Malfoy?"


	15. Chapter Fourteen

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot.

Chapter Fourteen

"What do you want Malfoy?"

_What do you want…_

What did he want? Draco wanted many things whether he knew it or not. No, right now… what did he want right now? What was he doing here. Draco's thoughts were put on hold for a few seconds as the question rung in his head. He closed his eyes and sighed.

Hermione was stunned. This was very unexpected of Draco; but then again, was it? Nothing surprised her anymore, how would this be any different?

"Can we go for a walk?" Draco asked softly. Hermione had half a mind to tell him to go to hell and slam her door. No matter how much she hated him, no matter how badly he had hurt her, she still couldn't refuse him. They were still in the same rickety boat, there still was that understanding. Damn understandings, they ruin everything.

Hermione stepped out of her room, closing the door behind her. Harry would be there any second, yet she felt compelled to go with Draco. Turning, Draco walked away from her, heading down the hallway and leading her God knows where.

As they reached the end of the hallway, Harry rounded the corner, snatching the tiniest glimpse of the platinum blonde and frizzy haired duo. He couldn't mistake Hermione for anyone else in the world. Puzzled, and worried, Harry took off at them, leaving a good enough space behind them as to not be found out.

* * *

_Notice me, take my hand _

_Why are we strangers when _

_Our love is strong _

_Why carry on without me _

It was Dumbledore's idea to enchant the school halls to play the music from the ball. He stated it would be good for those who chose to be in the corridors. If it weren't for the music, the lonely couple would be strolling in silence.

Draco snorted when the song began to play. Pansy had decided to dedicate this song to him some odd years ago when it first came out. She deemed it as "their song". If she had any sense she would have realized the song was anything but a sweet love song.

_Every time I try to fly, I fall _

_Without my wings, I feel so small _

_I guess I need you, baby _

_And every time I see you in my dreams _

_I see your face, it's haunting me _

_I guess I need you, baby _

The noise began to grate on his nerves. He could relate to it, and he didn't want to. He didn't care for the singer or the style of music. In fact, he preferred songs that had no lyrics at all. That way they didn't just blatantly smack you in the face with their truthful words. Trying to ignore the song, he focused on the quiet sounds his feet made tapping along the ground. He could barely make out Hermione's breath beside him. She was so calm. It was sickening.

_I make believe that you are here _

_It's the only way I see clear _

_What have I done _

_You seem to move on easy _

Hermione had no idea where exactly he was taking her. They had passed the entrance doors long ago. She figured they would have just gone outside.

Truth be told, Draco didn't know where they were going either. He let his feet carry him to where ever they felt like going. One by one, in front of another. His mind wasn't really processing what was going on around him, it never did anymore. Coming to the moving stairs, they began to climb.

_And every time I try to fly, I fall _

_Without my wings, I feel so small _

_I guess I need you, baby _

_And every time I see you in my dreams _

_I see your face, you're haunting me _

_I guess I need you, baby _

No matter how far away they were from the Great Hall, that blasted song kept playing like they were just about to round the corner of the ball. Draco began cracking his knuckles as Hermione tried to steal glances towards him.

Something was definitely bothering him. His features were strained, his jaw set so tightly it could break with any more pressure. His eyes focused only on the ground ahead of him.

She opened her mouth to speak. Not knowing what to say, she simply closed it again and focused her own eyes to the corridor before her. The music made it so much awkward for the both of them.

_I may have made it rain _

_Please forgive me _

_My weakness caused you pain _

_And this song's my sorry _

_At night I pray _

_That soon your face will fade away _

Finally, they had made it. It had only taken a few minutes to reach this pre-destined destination, but it had felt like an eternity. Walking outside, Draco headed straight for the balcony wall and leaned over it.

The song was still playing inside the school building, but had faded once they reached the astronomy tower. Letting the last chorus play itself out, Draco let out a massive pent up breath. His head hung low.

_And every time I try to fly, I fall _

_Without my wings, I feel so small _

_I guess I need you, baby _

_And every time I see you in my dreams _

_I see your face, you're haunting me _

_I guess I need you, baby_

Now what?

* * *

"I hate you…" he whispered more to himself than to Hermione, but she heard it none the less. "Why?" she asked back in much more of a firmer tone than his. Another song began to sound out from the school, one much harder to listen to than the first one.

_There's so much life  
I've left to live  
And this fire's burning still When I watch you look at me  
I think I could find the will  
To stand for every dream  
And forsake this solid ground  
And give up this fear within  
Of what would happen if they end, you  
I'm in love with you_

When Draco did not answer, Hermione began to become impatient. He had ridiculed her, stripped her of what dignity she had had left, and completely abused her situation. And now he has the audacity to tell her that he hates HER?

"Why?" Hermione asked, more forcefully than the first time. "For what you are…" Draco replied evenly.

Hermione's blood began to boil.

"For what I am?" she asked bitterly. "For what I am!" she spat out. "You're bloody senile Draco Malfoy! How could you base all of your hate for what I am? How can you not admit to yourself that you and I are alike?"

Draco spun around, walking towards her, leaving no more than an inch or two between their faces. "Because we're not!" he hissed venomously. "You and I are different Granger! Different!"

He turned and walked back to the wall, his shoulders heaving with anger.

Hermione snapped. "You're wrong Draco!" she shouted at him. "We're not so different. All you can come with are excuses over my half-blood. That's it! Just because I'm a fucking mudblood! Is that all you got?"

"That's all I need!" Draco shot back at her. "You're filthy! You've spoiled me with your touch! Because of you…" His sentence faltered. Hermione paused.

_'Cause I'd surrender everything  
To feel the chance, to live again  
I reach to you  
I know you can feel it too  
We'd make it through_

_A thousand dreams I still believe  
I'd make you give them all to me  
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go  
I surrender _

"What?" Hermione demanded. "What about me! What have I done? What is so evil about me that deserves this eternal damnation you've placed on me?"

"Your infatuation with me has me trapped!" Draco stated. His statements became outrageous as he tried to continue. He had completely lost his mind once and for all. "You won't let me go! You won't let me be! Your presence alone is suffocating me and I can't even move!"

Hermione let out a hysterical laugh. "MY infatuation has YOU trapped?" She let out another howl that could have scared anyone who heard it. "I believe you have this all wrong Draco," she whispered in a deathly silence. Moving towards him, each word she spoke grew and built up in volume as well as poison. "You can't let ME go Draco! I didn't do this to you, you did it on your own. You're the one whose gone crazy for god knows why!"

"You don't know what you've done to me," Draco stated.

_I know  
I can't survive another night away from you  
You're the reason I go on  
And now I need to live the truth _

_Right now, there's no better time  
From this fear, I will break free  
And I'll live again with love  
And know they can't take that away from me  
And they will see... yeah _

"You don't know what you've done to me!" Hermione shrieked. The tension on the tower could be cut with a butter knife as she took another step towards him. "Everything always has to be about you and your precious ego-centrical world."

Draco began to find it laborious to breathe. His veins were about to explode for the anger bubbling in him. He could feel his control jumping off the tower and plummeting to the ground thousands of feet below.

"Why can't you just die?" he taunted not even turning to face her reaction.

_(I'd surrender everything)  
To feel the chance, to live again  
I reach to you  
I know you can feel it too  
We'd make it through _

_A thousand dreams I still believe  
I'll make you give them all to me  
I'll hold you in my arms and never let go  
I surrender _

"Why can't you?" Hermione returned back with just as much ferocity.

"I can't…" Draco stated as if there was nothing more to talk about. She wouldn't understand, she'd never understand. His situation was so much stickier than hers. She could so easily just end her life without looking back. He was being held back.

"Yes you could!" she screamed. Hermione began flailing her arms around as she screamed. "Look behind you! Just jump! Jump! Nothing's stopping you!"

_Every night gets longer  
And this voice's getting stronger baby  
I'll swallow my pride  
And I'll be alive  
Can't you hear my call?  
I surrender all... _

Draco turned around and leaned against the railing. "I can't!" He yelled back.

"Yes you CAN! Hermione screamed. If he just died it would solve everyone's problems.

"Jump, Draco. JUMP!"

_(I'll surrender everything)  
(To feel the chance, to live again)  
I reach to you  
I know you can feel it too  
We'll make it through _

_A thousand dreams I still believe  
I'll make you give them all to me  
I'll hold you in my arms and never let go  
I surrender _

"I CAN'T JUMP!" He roared. "I CAN'T KILL MYSELF! I CAN'T DO IT!"

"WHY NOT!" Hermione raged on.

"**BECAUSE I LOVE YOU**!" He let out before thinking.

Silence.

He snapped around, unaware that Hermione was so close to him by now. His eyes were storming with so much emotion, so much passion. He said it again, barely audible and yet still teaming with tension.

"Because I love you…"

Hermione took a step back, her eyes wide with shock. Draco grabbed her shoulders before she could move a single inch away from him. He wouldn't allow it.

"I can't die, and it's your fault…" he whispered as a single tear escaped his eye and trickled down his smooth porcelain skin. "…because I bloody love you."

All the tension, all the pressure. Everything fired back up again. The song still being played in the background had reached its ultimate climax. Before either two of them could register what they were doing, Draco had Hermione's lips locked to his.

_Right here, right now  
I'd give my life to live again  
I'll break free  
Take me, my everything _

Hermione pulled herself closer, clawing at him as they deepened the kiss. It was brutal, it was fierce, it was passion like never felt before. It was love. Draco ripped at her hair to get it down from the neat bun she had fastened it earlier for the ball. Hermione pulled at his clothes.

The touches became increasingly needy. They both were devouring one another like it would be the last time they would ever be linked together again.

_I surrender all to you  
(Right now)  
Right now  
(I'd give my life to live again)  
I'd give my life  
(I'll break free, Take me)  
Take me, take me  
(my everything)  
My everything_

Draco pulled Hermione up, she wrapped her legs around his waist as he slammed her into the nearest wall. Her back would be sore tomorrow but she didn't care. The heat between them grew causing Draco to pull her dress robes up. He continued kissing her as he unbuckled his pants with one hand.

Together they lost themselves. It was dynamic, it was vicious. They bit at each other, muttering incomprehensible words between kisses. To anyone else it looked look like rape, but for them it was perfect.

_(I surrender all to you, right now)  
Right now  
(I'd give my life to live again)  
I'd give my life to you baby  
I'll break free, yeah free_

Standing in the dark shadows stood a boy with black raven hair. His emerald eyes shone with tears as they leaked out. He didn't even bother wiping them away. Still as a statue, his eyes laid frozen on the couple completely ravishing one another. One was his worst enemy, and the other… the girl he loved more than life itself.

Turning, he left them alone, not looking back even once…


	16. Chapter Fifteen

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. I forgot to put that the two songs in last chapter were "Eerytime" by Britney Spears, and "Surrender" by Celine Dion.

I'm not so crazy about this chapter. I mean, I've got what I want to happen in it... I just dunno... I may rewrite it. Let me know what you think.

Chapter Fifteen

_God grant me the serenity_

_To accept the things I cannot change…_

_Accept…_

She was in love. A strange love indeed, most of which was immersed in agony and pain. But that agony was what drove the ecstasy to its fullest point, making it all seem livable. Hermione knew she could never escape him. It was a common theme the two lovers shared, the one of foreboding, yet indescribable comprehension. Draco had tried to run once before. He had tried tearing both of them down and resisting the urge that dwelled deep within him. It didn't work. They both figured that they would just have to embrace this love since there was nothing else they could do.

_The courage to change the things I can…_

_Courage…_

Now that was something they both lacked miserably. Hermione couldn't even turn Harry down for Christ's sake! Draco didn't have the courage to go against his father's will and rebel against the Dark Lord. They were both weak, so incredibly weak. Once upon a time they had the defenses built up strong enough to have this courage. Once upon a time those defenses were smashed to pieces.

_And the wisdom to know the difference…_

_Wisdom…_

This may be the most important part, the wisdom. Often failures are blamed for not being able to change due to events being out of hand's control. Many times consequences that could happen are overlooked by this lack of wisdom. One does not know what they cannot change until they've tried.

It's like that saying… If at first you don't succeed get back up and try again. Too many people suffer from the illusion that they can't get back up. Instead they rot on the ground forever. It's rather pathetic.

It seems so easy that this one little prayer could solve everything. Asking God for these simple minded favors could do wonders. Too easy, so therefore must be false. But what about someone else? Asking God seems ludicrous, you can't even see the guy. But what if you were to try to derive acceptation, courage, and wisdom from someone else? How about someone laying right beside you in your bed that you can hear, see, and feel with your own senses?

Hermione could feel his arm draped over her. A lovely warmth was spread throughout her bed. She smiled to herself as her eyes remained shut. It was nice waking up to a gentle warmth and not a harsh coldness. Stirring slightly, she opened her eyes open and gave a slight yawn. Draco must have detected it, for his arms tightened around her as she felt his body pressing closer to hers.

A rough, scratchy voice filled her ears, making her entire body want to just melt into a puddle. "Mornin' love," he mumbled as he nuzzled his face into her neck. Hermione sighed, letting her eyes close again and wanting to let sleep take over her once more. It had been so long since she had good sleep, she wanted more.

"MMmm…." She moaned, trying to snuggle closer to him. "Time?" she managed to get out in her state of sleepiness.

Draco began to stretch out his lower body, or at least what he could while pressed so tight to her. He kissed her neck, and then the flesh on her beck right below it. "Breakfast," he whispered lightly. "We have school—"

A loud high pitched whine. He chuckled at Hermione's attempts to shush him. She waved her arm about, finally placing a finger on his lips. Draco kissed it gingerly as she turned around to face him.

"You mustn't say such cruel things this early in the morning…" she whined, burying her face in his chest. Draco scooped his arms around her fragile body. "What do you suggest I do then?" he whispered hoarsely in her ear.

Hermione pressed him back and rolled on top of him so that he was on his back. She proceeded to grab as much comforter as possible and buried the two of them in it. Rubbing her eyes, she yawned and mumbled some things that Draco didn't quite catch. The sight was too cute and made him laugh.

Hermione had never heard Draco laugh before. As far as she knew, he wasn't capable of it. She would have poked and taunted him about it, but was far too tired to do so. Draco sensed her drifting back off to sleep. He gently rubbed her back.

"You can't go back to sleep, Hermione," he said. Hermione once again waved her arm around and put a finger on his lips again. Draco grabbed her hand, kissing it soothingly and intertwining his finger with hers. "I have an idea…" he said.

"Cut class?" Hermione asked hopefully.

"In a way, but you're still going to have to get out of bed." He answered back.

"I don't like it!" Hermione pouted, face still buried in his upper torso. Draco rolled his eyes.

"Are you suggesting that we just stay in bed all bloody day long?" Draco asked sarcastically. Hermione looked up at him and smiled. Moving closer to him, she placed a very awakening kiss on his lips. Draco knew what she was up to… but he didn't stop it. Suddenly the two of them weren't so tired anymore.

* * *

His eyes were glazed over as they stared out to the horizon. Many thoughts had bombarded his head that he just didn't want to handle anymore. This up and down relationship he had with life was becoming so predictable and monotonous. Footsteps could be heard near him and he smiled sadly as Hermione joined him on the tower. 

At first he didn't know what to say, fiddling with her mass of frizzy hair as she sat next to him and leaned against his chest. The two sat in silence contemplating how to bring this touchy subject up.

"Holiday's just around the corner," he said with no emotion present in his voice. Hermione sighed softly, not sure of how this conversation would go and a bit scared of it as well.

"You don't have to go back," she stated absentmindedly.

"He'll kill me if I don't," he whispered. "He'll kill you if you do!" she retorted.

Draco sighed. The week had been so glorious for him. He spent the days content with what was going on, making through everything with anticipation for the nights. He smiled to himself, wrapping an arm around her. The nights… the nights were in fact the only thing he lived for now a days. He spent every minute of them in her arms, making love, whispering confessions in her receiving ears, and learning that beauty in the world was not completely dead.

"You could always stay here," Hermione insisted. "They can't even dream of touching you is you stayed here on the school grounds." Draco began to bite his lip. The thought sounded very wonderful, but he knew they would get to him one way or another. He shook his head.

"I have to go back…" he exhaled. Hermione didn't argue. She knew as well as he did the truth. Sure, she could always come up with every possible scenario possible, but none of them would work.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked, feeling defeated by his words and fate's ultimate decision.

Draco knew she would ask that, he would have smirked to himself had the situation at hand not been so… however the way it was. He unwrapped his arm, reaching into his robe and pulled out a tiny vile. Holding in front of them, he sighed.

"Do you know what this is?" he asked. Hermione only shook her head no, so he went on. "This is exactly enough _Fiducia_ potion for two people…"

Hermione remembered this potion from the beginning of the year. It was a reliance potion that bonded two people together permanently. If one was to ever need the other, they just had to call for them and that person would be transported immediately. It was indeed a wonderful potion, but had a great cost to it. It was irreversible and who only knew what someone could get into when the other partner was in grave danger.

Draco didn't need to explain to her why he had it. Reaching out, Hermione took the potion. Carefully opening the vile, she consumed half of the sloshing liquid. Draco's heart soared briefly and he smiled. Taking the vial in his hand, he emptied the rest of the contents himself. Draco and Hermione looked at each other. He smiled sweetly before tenderly kissing the woman he loved.

Hermione began to cry. Her body began to shake violently as the tears spilled from her closed eyes. Draco took her into his arms, continuing and deepening the kiss. He couldn't contain himself and allowed his own tears to escape along with hers.

"I'm so scared, Draco," Hermione cried. Draco embraced her and held on to her shivering body. "Me too…" he whispered in her ear.

Swallowing his tears, he pulled away and looked her square in the eyes. "I swear…" he huffed painfully, "I swear on my love for you that I will never let you suffer alone. I won't leave you behind, I promise!" Hermione said nothing.

She didn't believe him. She could believe promises to fight so he could return. She could believe promises that he would always love her. But she couldn't believe promises that he wouldn't leave her behind. Shaking her head, she refused the idea. Draco got up from where they had been sitting and stormed to the edge of the tower. Turning back around, his eyes were livid.

"I can keep that promise Hermione!" he said trying to plead with her. "Now, right now! I can prove it to you!" Hermione rose from her seat, still shaking her head.

"How?" she croaked.

Draco looked over his shoulder to the stone wall that prevented people from just falling off the tower. "I know a place," he said. "I know a place where we could be together forever. I know a place where neither one of us could be left behind." Hermione stepped closer to him, fully listening to his elaboration of this perfect utopia.

"All we have to do…" he held her hand and drew her closer. He turned himself around and guided her to the rail to the tower. "…Is jump".

Hermione looked over the ledge to the ground below. The idea was very tempting.

_Courage…_

She shook her head. "We can't do that Draco…" she whispered. Draco frowned and let his shoulders sink. Hermione licked her lips, trying to form the right words.

"Draco," she said turning to look him in the eye. "We've been running all this time. Jumping would be just another form of running. You and I have been to hell and back in a hand basket—" Draco shushed her with his finger.

"Say no more," he begged and kissed her.

It was settled. He'd go back home over the holidays. He'd confront his father and Lord Voldemort… for the last time.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. Song is "Nature Boy" by Celine Dion.

Chapter Sixteen

_There was a boy...  
A very strange enchanted boy.  
They say he wandered very far, very far  
Over land and sea,  
A little shy and sad of eye  
But very wise was he. _

The train whistled loudly startling many of the students anxiously awaiting their retreat from school. The sky was gloomy, a perfect refection of all the things Draco felt deep inside himself. A single rain drop fell on his shoulder and he stood still in the crowd.

Hermione was on the other side of the station, helping students find their way on board. He smiled. She was so cute when she was all demanding and in control. Both students had dread this day. Hermione would be staying behind at school along with Harry and Ron.

This agitated Draco. Not only did he not want to leave her in the first place, but he didn't want her alone with Potter for more than thirty minutes at a time. Draco wasn't stupid, he knew of Harry infatuation with Hermione, and he loathed it.

One could ask him if he trusted her. He'd tell them no. Draco trusted no one; not himself, Snape, or even Hermione. But he did respect her intelligence. He knew she had more dignity for herself than that. That's the only thing that kept him satisfied with leaving her here, that morsel of respect.

The two didn't say their good-byes. They knew better. Telling a person good-bye is a bad omen. It's like sealing their fate with the knowledge that you'll never see each other again. With Draco leaving to join Voldemort and return to the manor, that omen was already increased tenfold. No, they wouldn't say good-bye. They wouldn't shake hands or hug or wish a good journey. No tears would be shed, no regrets made.

_And then one day,  
A magic day, he passed my way.  
And while we spoke of many things,  
Fools and kings,  
This he said to me,  
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn  
Is just to love and be loved in return." _

Another whistle blew that went unnoticed. Hermione raised her hand to wipe the sweat off her forehead. Her arms were feeling tired from hauling around luggage. Her brain hurt from trying to think so much about controlling the heathens that roamed the station. She could feel a pair of whimsical eyes on her. Turning around, she smiled to Draco.

That's all she could do… smile. They had made a look but don't touch rule some time before about when they were in public. Draco didn't have the power over the school he once had. He wasn't focused on and in the center of attention like he used to be. No one really paid anything to him anymore. However, that didn't stop the possibility of certain Death Eater Juniors spying on him and relaying his relationships with the Dark Lord. So their relationship remained anonymous and secret.

At the sight of her smile, Draco crumbled. All morning his thoughts had been boiling in his head. There were so many things he should tell her, so many things she deserved to know. Unspeakable inevitabilities he knew about, the real plans he had made for going home. That damned promise of returning.

The fact of the matter was that he knew he wouldn't be coming back. He knew that leaving this school would be the death of him, literally. Once he got on that train it would be over. He sighed and tried to choke back the tears screaming to be released.

He would never hold her again, never touch her again. He would never hear her voice whispering his name. The one individual on this whole damned planet that understood him was the only one he couldn't tell the absolute truth to. It would kill her to know that he would be dead by the next week.

No good-byes, no regrets. He would regret telling her, he would regret not telling her. It was a lose-lose situation that was tearing him in half.

_And then one day,  
A magic day, he passed my way.  
And while we spoke of many things,  
Fools and kings,  
This he said to me,  
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn  
Is just to love and be loved in return."_

The train gave out one last whistle signaling it's last call before departing. Now was the time. Draco shuddered.

He couldn't do this. Leave and never return. He could leave alright, but it was that never returning part that devastated him.

No one was supposed to know about him and Hermione's love affair. If he just got on that train they wouldn't ever find out. Draco walked towards one of the train doors. About ten more feet and he would be gone… forever. Hermione would be safe, never knowing of what would truly lie ahead on the road made for Draco to walk on. Eight more feet and the secret would be kept. Seven more feet and it would all be behind him.

A tear rolled down his cheek. Anyone sitting on the train that looked out would be able to see it. They probably would wonder what made the great Draco Malfoy on the verge of breaking down in public. Some would speculate, some would laugh, and some would pity.

Five more feet and there would be no more Draco. Five more feet and their would be no more Hermione. Five more feet and his world would come to an end. And no one would know, not even her, until the news reached the school sometime after the holidays ended.

Four more feet…

Three more feet…

He could see her smile, hear the faint laugh she made when he whispered something erotic or sweet in her ear. He could smell her intoxicating shampoo she used on her massive frizzy locks of hair. He could taste her…

Two more feet…

He had promised not to leave her behind. He had said many things. Hermione had seen right through them…

No good-byes…

No regrets…

One more foot…

Draco placed one foot inside the doorway to the train. He painfully took in a deep breath. Then he felt it… her eyes. He could feel her presence. Turning around, he saw her standing there. She had tears begging to be leaked out. She had a look of confidence that killed him. She really thought he would be coming back.

Draco broke. He took his foot out of the door way and ran to her. Hermione was shocked and surprised to see him heading towards her. When he was in arms length he snatched her into his embrace. Hermione wrapped her arms around him, knowing this wasn't right. She felt his body convulsing as he wept. He wept many things on the inside, grasping her on the outside like he would die if he let go. The sad thing was… he would die once he let go.

Not loosening his grip the slightest, Draco undug his face from her hair and kissed her. He kissed her passionately in front of the train, in front of the whole school, in front of everyone. Their secret was no longer a secret. Hermione could feel the tears dripping on her face. When he pulled away she had the greatest look of questioning in her eyes. She was petrified of what his actions could symbolize.

With great anger, determination, and pain, Draco harshly whispered into her ear through the tears. "Good-bye." And like that he was gone. He yanked himself away from her arms. Hermione tried to grab for him again, but he was too quick. He stormed back onto the train without looking back just once.

Hermione stood in an uncontrollable emotion she couldn't describe. Her heart shattered once again. No good-byes… he had said good-bye. He was gone…

_"The greatest thing you'll ever learn  
Is just to love and be loved in return."

* * *

_

The fire crackled lightly as she sat in the Gryffindor common room. The fire before her was so bright, yet it was nothing compared to the fire in her heart that had just been extinguished an hour ago.

When Hermione returned to the building, she had headed straight for this very spot. She hadn't budged since. Students had come and gone through the common room, none of which got any attention out of her. Hermione's eyes only stayed locked on the fire in front of her.

Another figure walked into the room and saw her sitting there. This figure stood in place, unsure of what to do. Finally, the figure walked towards her slightly and sat next to her.

"He's gone…" Hermione whispered silently. It was all she said. The figure next to her sighed, torn between wanting to comfort her and wanting just to kill her.

"Why him?" Harry asked in a hurt tone of confusion. It was the only thing he could ask for it was the only question that plagued his mind day in and day out.

"He loved me," Hermione stated.

"I loved you," Harry retorted, truly hurt by her answer.

"No Harry," she said, turning and facing him once and for all. "You loved the idea of me. You knew nothing about me, just what you witnessed day by day. You loved Hermione Granger; Head Girl and number one student at Hogwarts. You didn't love me."

Harry was silent. His eyes stared at her in bewilderment and anger. "How can you say that Hermione!" he practically shouted. His tone didn't affect Hermione. She didn't flinch at his harsh accusation. "I would have died for you—"

"—You would die for many people!" She snapped. "You don't know me Harry. Draco did."

"You were so busy being whipped off your feet by Draco to let me know you Hermione!" Harry rejected. "You didn't give two ounces of piss about me!"

"Neither did you to me," Hermione stated. "You were so caught up on that damn break up from last year… Harry, I never loved you that way."

"Then why did you act like you did?" Harry shot out.

"Because I was weak and stupid. I don't know!" Hermione began to become hysterical as she tried to defend herself. "I'm so used to being in pain, so it didn't phase me, but I didn't want you to hurt. So I pretended. I lied. Lying is such a natural thing for me I do it without thinking about it. I can't help it that you became enthralled with me. I'm sorry I led you on Harry, I hate myself for it, believe me!"

"Why should I believe you?" Harry bit out. "Since all you do is lie, why should I believe a damn word you say?"

"You shouldn't, and that's the point," Hermione whispered.

Harry's mind was still buzzing. "I just don't understand what you see in him…" Harry stated to himself.

"I see myself in him," Hermione explained. It seemed like a weird explanation, but it was the perfect one when you considered it. Hermione sighed and reached for Harry's hand.

"Harry," she said softly. He didn't want to look at her first, so she reached up and moved his chin with her fingers. "You really have no idea who I am. Don't ask me to tell you, you don't want to know. I'd rather you have the perfect image in your head about me, than to have it all messed up and feel like I do. Stay in love with that idea of me. I don't want to destroy you like I've done myself. Draco was already destroyed, we were both living in shambles, so it doesn't matter what goes on with us, nothing could get worse. But you're so pure compared to me, I don't want to ruin that."

Harry's eyes began to swell. His anger had fizzled out completely. His heart began to ache and feel like it was disappearing altogether.

"Please let go, Harry… Just let go…" Hermione pleaded. "You're so much better off without me. You don't see it now, but you are. Please."

Harry sighed. Nodding his head, he let go of her hand. Hermione leaned over and gently kissed his cheek and hugged him. Harry shuddered at her touch. Without another word, he got up and left her to herself.

Hermione wrapped the blanket around her tighter and returned her gaze to the fire before her.

* * *

The pictures being played outside the window were fizzy and hard to make out. Draco's eyes stung from the tears that had finally subsided. He was alone in the compartment as he stared out to the scenery passing by.

He had said good-bye when he had sworn not to. He had revealed their secret when he had sworn not to. He had told her everything about his plans with two single words. He didn't regret any of it.

The train would be entering the station in under half an hour. He only had half an hour before meeting up with Lucius and returning to the manor. His mother would greet him with a fake excitement, and everything would be just like it was supposed to be. He would begin bossing the house elves around just to get frustrations out and then have to endure dinner followed by Lucius' planned lecture about disappointment and Death Eater initiation arrangements. Then he'd go to bed-- maybe—and join the Dark Lord the next day—maybe.

Draco pinched the bridge between his eyes. This was all mind bogglingly predictable. He let his mind drift off. Where it drifted he didn't know, as long as it wasn't thinking about Voldemort and the initiation he was good.

Draco felt the train slowing down. He looked out the window and faced the crowd that was waiting for them. He sighed. Getting up, he took his time retreating his belongings and evacuating the train. Scanning the crowd nonchalantly, he spotted the tall figure with blonde hair that would eventually be the death of him.

Lucius stared back at him with no emotion. There was no excitement, no happiness, not even annoyance. Just nothing. A small smirk formed on his face though, only out of habit. Pretending to have a difficult time only to delay their meeting, Draco sifted through the crowd at a slow pace.

Finally reaching him, the two men looked at each other square in the eye. No words were shared as Lucius turned and led Draco out of the crowd to the carriage that would bring them to the manor.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot.

Chapter Seventeen

Silence is deafening. It enhanced the senses and amplified even the tiniest sounds made. The clinking of china and silverware was booming in Draco's ear. He didn't look up from his meal, not even once, to see that his parents would give subtle glares at him. His tongue didn't even absorb the food he was consuming. His brain had gone on autopilot, unaware of how dangerous that was and that he should be attentive to his surrounding instead of ignorant.

"I'll be needing to speak with you after dinner, Draco," slurred Lucius nonchalantly. Draco almost winced at his voice. He knew what he meant. They wouldn't be talking at all, that was a sure thing. Draco nodded his head.

Putting his fork down, he excused himself from the table. As he was about to pass through the doorway, the man's voice rung through the room yet again.

"Report to my study in an hour." Draco sighed in frustration, leaving the dining room with no reply Lucius' command. Retreating to his room, he closed the door harder than he meant to, scaring a house elf in return as it traveled by. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to cut…

Plopping down at his desk, he secreted his face into his hands. Letting out a deep breath, he looked back up. Reaching in a draw, he pulled out a few sheets of parchment and a quill. Putting ink to paper, he drained all of the pent up thoughts into a letter to Hermione.

After declaring everything he could possible come up with, he folded the letter and sealed it. Evacuating his room, he trudged down to the barn, selected an owl, and sent it on its way to deliver the letter. Watching the owl take off, he leaned against the wall and sighed.

He hoped she would have understood…

Taking his sweet time, he headed back to the manor and involuntarily proceeded to Lucius' study. He didn't settle himself in any of the stiff, uncomfortable chairs. The cold room reflected everything to a tee about Lucius. It was where he spent most of his time in that house, so naturally it represented him perfectly. The room was in no way inviting. Draco only hoped that he wouldn't have to remain in here for long.

His wishes were slightly granted when a loud squeak was heard from the opening of the large oak doors. Lucius marched into the room, paying no notice to his son. He simply marched to his desk and removed some object from it. Draco didn't really know what the object was, and he really didn't care. It made no difference, it was a port key. His muscles began to flex and a quivering began to stir in his stomach as he neared Lucius and the object.

Here it was, the first step to an unbearably long night. He was being transported to wherever Voldemort was hiding, and be forced into joining the Death eaters.

At least that was the plan…

Not even needing instructions, Draco grabbed onto the object and instantly felt a tug around his waist. The world around him spun as he found himself no longer in the study, but a room full of books. They had traveled to a library?

The first thing Draco noticed were the hooded figures surrounding him. Lucius beckoned him to follow as the crowd left to room and entered the old, eerie hallway. Draco gulped and felt his heart race faster with each step he took. Coming at the end of the hallway one of the Death Eaters pulled out his wand and mutter a spell to the rusty looking lock. The door creaked open and Draco's legs turned to jelly as he tried to move forward.

The room was large, vacant, and smelled of death and mildew. A dim fire cracked in the far corner and a single overstuffed throne faced it. A hissing sound filled the room causing Draco to wince.

"Welcome, my young Malfoy!" slithered the creature inhabiting the chair. Draco said nothing in return, earning his a smack to the back of his head from Lucius, and a large shove that brought him to his knees. Staring at the ground, Draco's lips refused to acknowledge the gloomy presence moving ever so closely to him. With each inch it embarked, Draco could feel his energy being sucked out of his. This vacuum was slowly depleting him of everything he held in what little soul he had left. The feeling was unlike anything else he had ever experienced.

A dark shadow engulfed his body. He trembled as he felt his eyes wandering up. He tried to hold back, to not look, but something was forcing him otherwise. Soon Draco's eyes were resting upon the gruesome figure that was destroying life among all wizards.

"Voldemort…" he whispered to himself silently, wishing he was anywhere but here.

* * *

Hermione's eyes snapped open as her body flew out of bed. She tried to gasp for air, finding it rather difficult. Looking around her room, she relaxed slightly. Putting her hand to her forehead, she tried to rid it of the drenching sweat seeping from her pores.

The dream… it was so real. Thinking hard about it, she realized that it was. She was dreaming of what Draco was living at this moment. It must have been part of that potion. She was there. She had looked into the very eyes of the Dark Lord.

Hermione shuddered uncontrollably as she got out of bed. She needed something to drink. Her throat ached with soreness as she reached for a glass of water. It screamed in delight as she quenched the thirst, inhaling the water with one try. Putting the glass back down, she sighed and tried to get her heart beating on regular pace.

It was awful. Her body shook madly as she felt the tears pushing through her eyes. Letting her emotions get the better of her, Hermione let out a very repressed sob. Draco was there, in the same room with that monster. She couldn't handle it.

Grabbing her robes, Hermione raced out of the door. She had to tell someone, and only one person stuck in her mind at this time. Running down the hallways, she found the statue she was looking for and bit out the password. Leaping aside, she traveled up the stairs and banged on his door. She was out of breath when he found her, eyes still burning with tears.

"Dumbledore…" she wheezed out, trying to collect herself. The wizard smiled at her softly, and invited her in. Reaching the nearest chair she could find, Hermione collapsed.

Dumbledore sat behind his desk and patiently waited for Hermione to gain her breath. "Would you like a lemon drop?" he asked, pushing the candy dish towards her. Hermione shook her head and pushed it away.

"I suspect that this may have something to do with young Malfoy?" he asked. Hermione didn't gap like one would think. Dumbledore always had this weird way of knowing everything, and she was used to it. She simply nodded and felt a second surge of tears coming on.

"He… he… Death Eaters…" Hermione forced out. Dumbledore signaled for her to calm down. "They're… kill…" she choked on her words, feeling a breakdown emerging from within her. She could see those eyes… hear the whispers… feeling the coldness in the room. She was suffocating like he was.

"They're going to kill him…" she cried out. Crumbling in her seat, Hermione wrapped her arms around her knees and brought them up to her chest. She started mumbling things to herself as her body rocked back and forth.

Dumbledore looked at her with sadness in his eyes. Yes he had known all along about their affair. He knew everything about the two. He had been keeping a close eye on them since the year began.

"Please start from the beginning, Miss Granger. The Order is doing everything in their power to locate the whereabouts of Voldemort and young Malfoy. So please just calm down and try to tell me everything from the start." Dumbledore needn't know of the information. However, the point was to get Hermione to get her mind off of the present for just a short while, so she could regain her sanity and tranquilize herself.

Hermione sniffed, rubbed her sore eyes and uncurled her figure from the tight ball she had squeezed herself into.

"I was on the train…" she began softly. Part of her didn't want to speak. She wanted to just roll back up into the ball and die. Given the opportunity, she would have jumped off the astronomy tower right now.

She tried to recall every detail of the past. But no matter how much she thought of that fateful day on the train, her mind couldn't escape the terrorization she felt with Draco being where he was right now.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot.

Chapter Eighteen

Somebody once said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Somebody was stupid.

Hermione wrung her hands in her lap in anxiety. Her eyes stayed fixed on the desk in front of her as she finished explaining everything to Dumbledore. He simply nodded when she finished her long epic tale.

At first he said nothing which drove her insane. She leaped out of her seat and started pacing. "What can I do?" she asked frantically. This whole experience was nerve wracking. Dumbledore made no reply. Hermione slammed her fists on the table, looking him in the eye with fury and asked the same question again. "You're not helping me!" she screamed. The old Headmaster sitting in front of her sighed.

"Miss Granger, please take a seat," he instructed kindly.

"I prefer to stand," she stated back stubbornly and defensively.

"Very well," he replied. "I know you came to me tonight with the intentions of finding Mr. Malfoy and bringing him back to safety. I understand how you must feel right now. Unfortunately…" a pause. Hermione didn't like these pauses, they never were good for anything. Dumbledore took a steady breath before continuing. "Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. We do not know the whereabouts of Mr. Malfoy, had we known, he would have never arrived there because Voldemort would no longer be there."

Hermione cracked. "How dare you say that you understand what I'm going through and then pull some erroneous bull shit like that! Obviously you have no idea or you wouldn't be telling me that there is nothing I could do!"

"Miss Granger, please try to be reasonable—"

"I am being reasonable!" she screamed hysterically. "What on earth could posses you to believe that I'm just going to sit around here and do nothing—"

Hermione would have continued but was cut short by a sharp jolt in her side. Forgetting the conversation before her, she clutched the pain residing in her abdomen.

_What was that?_

Dumbledore looked at her concerned. "Miss Granger? Is something the matter?"

It came back again, that sharp pain. Hermione bent over and gasped. Something was right. It felt as though someone was kicking her with as much force as possible in her side. It felt like Willis…

Her thoughts were interrupted by an acute blow to the head. She yelped in pain, as one hand flew to her now throbbing skull.

"Headmaster?" she called out in a slight panic. Another strike, and another. Soon it was followed by more jots to her stomach. Hermione couldn't breath. She felt her legs give way underneath her and she doubled over.

Then it happened. A blood curdling scream soared throughout the room as Hermione's body wriggled on the ground. The pain was horrible. She had heard stories Harry used to tell her about how much the Crucius curse hurt, but she never could have imagined this.

Dumbledore was by her side instantly trying to figure out what was causing her to do this. His shouts were completely muffed by her continuous screams of agony.

Then she vanished.

* * *

He had said no. He had actually said no. Draco Malfoy had stared down the darkest most powerful wizard of all time and told him to go to hell. He had done it.

And of course he had paid. Lucius was the first to react to Draco's rebellion. He had hit him, hard, on the back of his head causing an instant surge of dizziness throughout his brain. Then the kicking's had started. Each figure in that room had had his share of blows to Draco's already weak body. They had thrown curse after curse at him. They set him on fire, extinguished it, and repaired his skin to new, only to set it on fire once more. They performed the darkest hexes on him, making his skin boil, his bones break, and his lungs asphyxiate. Tears streamed down his face and he screamed in anguish.

The remains of the Crucius could still be felt in his sore and battered muscles. His head still vibrated in misery from the many strikes it had endured. Surely one more curse or hex would be the end of him.

He couldn't move. Laying on the cold, stone, ground of a dungeon somewhere in that building, his eyes let lose the tears of suffering her felt deep within his soul. Of course they wouldn't just finish him off there. He knew better than that. They had something special planned for him.

Draco cringed as another wave of pain flowed through his body. He was nauseous, but didn't have the strength to roll over and vomit. He tried to steady his breathing, but it was hard. Surely they had cracked at least half a dozen ribs if not more. He couldn't feel his toes anymore, and he couldn't move his arms.

But none of this crossed his mind as he lay there. He simply stared straight up towards the molded ceiling ahead.

A face formed on the ceiling. It morphed into recognizable features. The eyes, the smile, the frizzy hair. She was beautiful. Draco smiled. The dungeon reeked of a dead pungent smell, but he could imagine her sweet fragrance overpowering it all. He inhaled deeply, losing himself in her perfect smell.

"Hermione," he breathed out silently, feeling his mind began to falter and his body seeping further and further into an abyss of peace and glory.

Then he heard it. The sweetest voice spoke to him. It was angelic and made his heart weep. It was hers. Four simple words that made his broken body want to jump for joy..

"Oh my God! Draco!" Hermione shrieked when she saw his lifeless form sprawled out on the stone floor.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

...Big Breath... I present to you, the last chapter followed by the epilogue. This has been awesome. I thank each and every person who has read this and all the reviewers who have said some of the nicest things to me.

This story turned out to be quite a lot longer than I originally thought it would be. I guess things are longer on paper.

I had planned on giving individual thanks to my wonderful reviewers, but looking back on all the people... good God. I only hope that me posting not one but TWO more "chapters" of the story will make up for that. I also hope no body kills me for ending this story the way it ends. ...foreshadowing...

And now I'm in tears damnit. Read and reply.

* * *

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. 

Chapter Nineteen

It is said that once you have reached the edge of death, you become delirious. Your life flashes before your eyes and visions that aren't there can be seen. Some say that the thing of which your heart most desires hovers above you, kind of like a sneak peak to what heaven may be. Thus, when Draco heard her voice and saw her face, he figured it was just his mind giving him what people had said. But when he felt her touch, he knew he was still alive. And for the first time… he was grateful.

Hermione didn't know what to do. She say bent over him, thinking of plausible ideas. She had no wand, no potions, no means to help him. So she did what she could think of… she talked.

"Draco," she whispered softly, running her fingers through his now blood matted hair. "Draco, please talk to me," she whispered again. His eyes finally came into focus as he looked at her.

"Sa… sa…" his breathing was failing him. His heart was beating slower and slower. Taking a relaxing, deep, breath, he calmed himself down and tried to form words.

"Said… no…" he heaved. Hermione smiled sweetly and grabbed his hand. He gave a little squeeze that caused her eyes to tear up.

"You did it," she said, her breaths becoming shorter and her words more laborious. "I'm so proud of you." Draco smiled. He was in pain. It was heart wrenching to watch.

"Love… you…" he sighed. A tear streamed down Hermione's face. She cupped his hand in her face and kisses his palm.

"Please don't die…" she sobbed into his hand.

_Isn't it rich?_

_Aren't we a pair?_

_Me here at last on the ground,_

_And you in mid-air?_

_Send in the clowns._

The slow tune drilled her brain. Funny how it first came to her that dreadful night he had shunned her to the fullest. He had left her then, and he was leaving her now. It seemed to make sense to her, a horrible sense she wished she didn't get to relive.

_Isn't it bliss?_

_Don't you approve?_

_One always tearing around,_

_And one who can't move…_

_But where are the clowns?_

_Send in the clowns._

He looked so pitiful. Hermione could feel him slipping away. She could feel the coldness seeping into his body, invading him and pressuring the heat out. More tears were unleashed.

"No!" she wailed. "I won't let you… you promised! You fucking promised!" Draco tried so hard not to cry. It would deplete him of the last bit of energy he had. So words cried out for him. His words were the tears that leaked from his eyes.

"So… sorry…" he breathed in sharply. His eyes suddenly flashed in panic. "Coming!" he hissed. Hermione looked at him frantically. She didn't understand.

Footsteps.

Voices.

She could hear them through the dungeon door. Who ever it was, he must have been only about half way down the corridor outside. The footsteps were lazy and calm, like he was in no hurry to go anywhere. She gasped. No one knew she was there. If they saw her they would kill her.

"Draco, we have to move," she said urgently. Draco just stared at her, still smiling. He gently shook his head no. Hermione scrambled around, trying to get a good grip of him. She struggled to move his body. He was nothing more than dead weight by now. "Draco, please help me," she bit out. "I can't… move you…" She spoke with tears with each tug. The agony of defeat ridiculed her again and again as she couldn't lift his body and inch.

Send in the clowns… 

Draco couldn't feel any of the pain anymore. His body had gone numb, so her trials and errors at moving him had no effect on his pain spectrum. He sighed.

"Stop," he said softly. Hermione collapsed next to him in a full on weep fest. She laid herself next to his body and buried herself in his broken torso.

The voices were getting closer, the footsteps louder.

Draco was going to die. She was going to die.

_She was going to die._

Hermione stopped crying.

_She was going to die._

It clicked. Gaining back her breath, she looked up at Draco. He was still smiling.

He would be keeping his promise after all…

They must have only been about ten feet away. Hermione lifted herself up to be laying at Draco's level. She trailed her fingers delicately down his face, making a mental map of every feature on his face, minus the deformalities.

"I love you Draco Malfoy," she whispered in his ear and kissed the side of his face. Draco's eyes fluttered, letting lose one tear; no more, no less. His eyes closed permanently as he drifted off to a never waking slumber. Yet before he went, Hermione heard the tiniest of whispers escape his lips.

"I love you Hermione Granger."

He was gone.

Hermione's eyes stayed focused on his peaceful face. There was no pain, no suffering. The usual stress wrinkles that could be found on his forehead were erased. He looked like he was sleeping and dreaming the most wonderful dream in his life. But he wasn't alive…

The door to the dungeon clicked before opening.

Silence… and then…

Chaos…

Shouts of interrogations were thrown around the room. The two men scurried about yelling at each other. One pulled out his wand. He said something. Hermione noticed none of it. A slow smile spread across her lips as a poem lingered through her head.

It was a poem she had read many times before. It was a poem she had been reading when Draco had found her. It wasn't a happy poem, in fact it was so depressing Hermione had usually cut herself after reading it. So why was she thinking about it? Well, she wasn't thinking over the whole poem, just the last four lines.

"Good-bye," she whispered silently to no one in particular. The one it was meant for was laying next to her dead.

"_Avada Kedavra_!"

And she was gone…

_Mary Palmer don't you cry_

_You have no tears to shed._

_Mary Palmer now you're free!_

_You can't feel when you're dead…_


	21. Epilogue

Final Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot.

Epilogue

Harry sat in his room staring at the wall in front of him. He sighed.

A soft tapping sound brought him out of his trance. Looking to his right, he saw a very large, very well-groomed owl hovering outside his window. Curious, he got up and opened the window. The owl flew in gracefully, landing on Hedwig's perch with ease and stuck it's twiggy leg out to reveal a letter attached to it.

Harry removed the letter, giving the owl one of Hedwig's treats and watched as it flew away. Opening the letter, Harry began to read.

His heart stopped.

As the letter was finished being read, his hands trembled with anxiety. He began to become dizzy and weak in the knees.

And then he ran. He ran with as much speed his scrawny legs could give him. God only knows the number of people he left scattered on the floor from bumping into them. But he didn't care. He needed to get to Dumbledore… now.

When he had first taken off, he failed to remember to bring the letter. Laying on the floor of his room was a piece of parchment with neat handwriting.

It read:

_Hermione,_

_I broke the most important promise I have ever made to someone before I even made it. I promised you that I wouldn't leave you behind when my sole intentions of this journey would end up in an inescapable death. _

_I won't be returning to you. I won't be seeing your sweet face ever again. I'm sure by now you probably have figured that out. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I know we had both agreed to have no good-bye's said, but I know I would have died with regret had I not bid you farewell. _

_My death will not be in vain. I finally achieved something in my life that I had been deprived of for so long, I had forgotten it existed. _

_Will._

_I have the will to live. I have the will to go on. You gave me the power and my greatest fear is that you will never realize it. You created a world for me that I wanted to stay in. _

_Fear had ripped me out of your love once before, and I couldn't let that happen again. That is why I chose to come back to the Manor and refuse my invitation to the Dark Lord once and for all, even if it means death._

_Hermione, you are mine. You have captured the frozen heart dwelling in me and turned it into gold. You are so special it pains me to do this to you. After time I pray you will understand._

_I've broken many promises. I know it may seem inadequate for me to ask one of you now, but I must._

_Please don't let yourself die. Don't deteriorate into the person you once were. I beg of you to mourn my death, but not let it cause you to die yourself. _

_Please… Hermione, MY Hermione…_

_Please don't die…_

_Rightfully yours forever,_

_Draco_


End file.
